


My Heart Is Yours

by Sseunie



Category: GOT7
Genre: 30 Days of GOT7, Absence, Couple, Cute, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fanfiction, Friendship, GOT7 - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Idols, Korean, Love, M/M, Minor Character(s), Minor GOT7 (Ensemble), Original Character(s), Romance, iGot7 - Freeform, markson, sick, singers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-12-01
Packaged: 2018-11-12 07:26:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 33,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11157099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sseunie/pseuds/Sseunie
Summary: This work is a fan-fiction about Mark and Jackson in a relationship, their sweet moments, their ups and downs and most importantly, the uniqueness of their relationship.Other GOT7 ships might be mentioned ~





	1. Heated Kisses and Jackson Wang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starting off with some heat and Markson cuteness ~

 “Yah!” yelled Youngjae and laughed at his own reaction when Yugyeom took the plate with his favorite, chicken feet.

Scared, Yugyeom put the plate back on its place and apologized jokingly.

I smiled at their silliness and turned my focus on Jackson who was half-sleeping in the corner of the white shooting room.

He looked a bit pale even though his face was covered in foundation. I wanted to go over to him but Jaebum approached me.

“Mark, where is the phone charger you took earlier? I need it, my phone’s dying.”

I went upstairs to get his charger but when I turned around after having grabbed it, Jackson’s face was in front of me. I would have been surprised if not for his dazzling handsome face.

“What are you doing?” he asked, hugging the green turtle tightly like a child. I melted at the sight and a smile slowly spread on my lips.

“Giving Jaebum the charger,” I said as I was trying to go past him. I knew if I let myself be distracted by him, I would never get to hand Jaebum his charger.

But just as I thought of that, Jackson grabbed my arm and pulled me in.

“Where are you going?” he said, his voice filled with a mix of curiosity and the desperation of attention.

I shrug my shoulders and looked at him with the answer written on my face as I lifted the charger in front of his eyes.

“Is Jaebum more important than me?”

His voice now brimmed with jealousy and I laughed at his adorable face.

“Jackson-ah, let me give this to Jaebum and then I’ll be back.”

Holding a second longer, he finally let go. I looked in his eyes but the look he had in them made a quick electricity run through my body. It was as if he was promising me something at my return.

“Kuai dian,” he said.

I smiled when he said “hurry” in Chinese and shook my head before I went down to the studio.

Jaebum was in the middle of a shoot and wasn’t paying attention to anything other than the camera man’s short requests of poses. I put the charger down on a side table by the wall and was about to make my way upstairs when another person prevented me from doing so.

Youngjae came up to me and asked “Mark hyung, have you seen my ring?”

I knew which ring he was talking about, the golden one with his signature mark on it. I had seen it somewhere but I couldn’t remember where.

"Maybe beside the sink in the bathroom?"

“No ~ I just looked. It’s really important that I find it. I asked the others but no one has seen it."

He looked really desperate, as if he had gotten lost in the supermarket. Filled with pity I helped him find it. After having searched for 15 minutes, he finally discovered it under the microwave. The studio immediately got noisy with his loud laughter as he slipped it on his finger, happiness all over his face.

Without further ado I sprinted upstairs, knowing an annoyed and impatient Jackson was waiting for me.

I hadn’t taken one step into the cozy rooftop before I got pulled and turned, my back hitting the wall.

I was so surprised that my heart jumped up and down, threatening to leave my chest.

I blinked once before being able to focus.

Jackson’s face was less than three centimeters from mine, his breath on my lips and his hair slightly tickling my nose.

“Jackson,” my voice merely a whisper and my breath still a little unstable at the sudden action coming from Jackson.

“Tuan Yi En.” The sound of my Chinese name coming from his mouth only made my heart’s condition worse and I could’ve sworn that I forgot to breathe a couple of seconds.

“You’re making me mad.”

His voice was low, intimidating and dangerous. I could feel his hand slowly move up along my arm. 

“We can’t..” I whispered back as I felt the blood rush to my face.

Not listening to me, he proceeded the journey on my body with the tip of his fingers, giving me shivers.

“Why not..?”

He was so close to me that I could see the flaws that he didn’t have. His lips were too seductive, a beautiful pink color.

“The others .. downstairs-“ The gasp cut me off when I suddenly felt a hand on my naked skin resting on my waist.

My body was pressed up against the wall but Jackson just came closer. His hazel-brown hair always made my heart skip a beat. He leaned closer, the sight of him wetting his lips with his tongue made me go crazy for a moment. How could he look so seductive even when doing the things he did as a habit..? That still remained as a wonder to me.

“You are so beautiful.” My logic was clouded by his godlike visuals when I lifted my hand and touched his lips, slightly as if he might break under my touch. A very small and teasing smile turned the right corner of his lips up.

“You just realized that now?”

As always, his self-confidence beamed with that one compliment. But this wasn’t just a compliment, it was a fact. The beauty of Jackson Wang always had me amazed and shocked. Sometimes it would hit me hard; that this flawless Wang Jia Er was mine and only mine. His love was only for me. How he had fallen for me would forever remain a wonder to me.

Not being able to control myself, I raised a hand and let my fingers slide over his cheekbone, admiring the perfect shape. He shivered under my touch, leaving me wanting to tease him more as I let my fingers run through his soft brown hair.

Finally, he closed the gap between us and let his lips meet mine, first slowly and softly. But when the hunger came to the surface, he pressed himself against me, his hands all over my body as he turned his face a bit to get more access to my lips.

I felt it as if I was being eaten alive. The heat exploded from our kiss. I couldn’t breathe but I was too caught up in the moment to even have time to register how Jackson’s hands slipped inside my shirt let alone control my breathing.

“Yi En,” I heard him gasp towards my lips but not nearly satisfied, I pulled him in again.

My hands wandered up and down his body, hungry for the muscular and firm body of his.

Our lips tightly intertwined and our hands exploring the other’s body, we were so heated up that anything could have happened in the spur of the moment if not for the loud sound that came from near the closed door.

I tried to pull away but Jackson didn’t care for anything when he grabbed my chin and softly bit my lower lip whereafter he sucked it in, healing the place he had just bit.

“Focus on me and only me, Markeu,” he said with his raspy voice.

My legs were shivering and my breathing was unstable from the kiss less than five seconds ago. When I looked at him I wondered how this younger boy could be so calm whereas I was panting as if I had run a marathon.

“Wang Jia Er, someone’s coming,” I said, my eyes on the door.

We both knew that we couldn’t risk doing anything like this when we were outside the dorm. The only people who knew were the members. Only the members. Were we found out by our manager or anyone else, it could lead to big trouble and neither of us were ready to give up our career for this, though we often hated the idea of having to hide and keep secrets. We had kept this relationship going for almost two years now and fortunately we were used to not be too obvious or close in front of others. Only when we were alone, we could be cuddly or have moments like this where we let out our desires.

Jackson kissed a particular spot on my collarbone and then took a small step back.

From downstairs we heard our manager call Jackson.

Jackson gave me a quick grin as he bent over and pecked me on my lips. The smile on my face appeared automatically.

“That felt amazing..!”

The happiness in his eyes made me smile wider.

“Yeah,” I said.

Jackson winked at me and sent me a short crooked smile as he made his way out of the room, leaving me in a still dreamy mode. My lips were a bit rough from the intense kiss just now. I couldn't help but smile the smile only Jackson Wang could get out of me as I waited a few minutes before going down so others wouldn’t be suspicious of anything.

My eyes caught Jackson’s immediately. He was standing on the shooting set and giving different poses, some smiles and others manly and sexy facial expressions.

Being in a good mood, he saw me looking at him and he pulled out a finger heart from his black shirt and sent it to me. The others including the camera man laughed at his action but only I knew what the finger heart actually expressed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys  
> So, this is my first time doing a fan-fiction and since I absolutely love Markson, I decided to go with it.  
> English is not my parent language so please bear with my poor vocabulary ~  
> I'm sorry, if there's any spelling errors! And please let me know so I can correct it :)
> 
> There will come more chapters, so please stay tuned!


	2. It hurts..

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson is sick. Mark is worried but also angry. A conflict about this is starting.

Jackson let himself fall on the bed and grabbed his phone. Sliding down the notifications, he clicked on a text message from Ahn Hyo Seop to answer.

“Markeu,” he said, not looking up from his phone.

I took out a set of new clothes and a new washed towel from the closet.

“Hm?”

“Where’d you put the painkillers?”

I turned my focus on him, worried why he would need painkillers.

“Why? Are you in pain?”

“No. Youngjae says he needs it for his back ache.”

I dropped the clothes and towel on the floor and sat down next to him, taking his phone away from him.

I let out a sigh.

“Jackson, where are you hurting?”

He tried to avoid my eyes but didn’t have anywhere to escape to.

“I know you’re lying. Youngjae’s fine. If he needed painkillers, he would ask me directly.”

“I’m fine, Mark. It’s just that my head hurts a little.”

I got up and went over to my bag to get the painkillers I had bought yesterday. I always had this with me because sometimes we wouldn’t get to eat till late due to shooting and I always got a slight headache if I didn’t eat properly. Lately, our schedule was crazy busy and our eating habits were getting messy.

I took out a pill and went in the kitchen to fill a glass of water.

When I came back, Jackson had closed his eyes and laid back on one of the soft teddy bears.

I put the glass and pill down and pushed one of the many turtles Jackson had on the bed, away to sit beside a sleeping Jackson.

He had lost weight, I noticed. Lately, he spent a lot of time traveling. Variety shows wanted him and he never refused.

I let my hand run through his hair and smiled a bit when I remembered something.

Earlier today I had been busy putting the new clothes I’d just bought in the closet. Wanting attention, Jackson had hugged me from behind, his strong arms wrapped tightly around my waist. In that moment Yugyeom had decided to pay our room a visit and at the sight he excused himself. Unfortunately for him, Jackson’s slippers were right in front of him and with a light “bump” he fell in the doorway.

Rather surprised Jackson had let go of me and in the spur of the moment, he hadn’t known how to react except getting mad at the clumsy Yugyeom. His ears had turned red. Later I saw him on his way to BamBam and Yugyeom’s room and apologize for earlier. I’d thought it was so adorable that when he came back I just embraced him for a few seconds.

I must have woken Jackson up with my touching because he suddenly opened his eyes, making a grimace at the pain.

“Sit up and take this pill,” I said as I gave him the painkiller and the glass of water.

Moaning in pain, he took a moment to wait for his vision to un-blur and then sat up.

“Where does it hurt?”

I gently massaged his forehead with my thumb.

“My head and also my eyes a bit. But it’ll be fine after I take a rest.”

He swallowed the pill with water and laid back down again.

“Should I stay till you fall asleep?” I suggested as I took the glass off his hand and placed it on the night desk.

He shook his head carefully to not worsen the headache.

“No, you promised your mom to Skype her tonight, right? Since it’s daytime over there.”

I gave a small smile at how he remembered such trivial things. But to him, parents meant everything, probably that’s why he remembered this.

“Okay, I’ll be back soon,” I said and kissed his forehead lightly.

“Take your time. Say hi to your parents and brother,” he said with a weak voice, his mind already half asleep.

I took my macbook and said “Goodnight” before I closed the door as quietly as I could.

My mom was as always energetic when she saw her son. She asked how the others were and how the promotions were coming up.

I missed them, sometimes it hurt that I couldn’t see them in person so often. What comforted me most in those times was Jackson. He shared his own feelings when we talked about our career. As much as it sucked being away from my family, I couldn’t compare to Jackson. Because at least my parents could visit and fly over from the U.S. to Korea. Jackson’s parents didn’t have that opportunity as his father was very busy and always abroad while his mother couldn’t travel because of her back. Even during holidays he never really did have time to visit them in Hong Kong. Basically, it was very rare for Jackson to see his parents. Seeing how it pained him, broke my heart. His cheerful face on-camera always made my day but all of us knew better than anyone that Jackson had a more serious side to him. And I loved that about him. How he could have two completely opposite sides and still manage to be great at both.

I ended the video call and went to take a shower. I was brushing my teeth when I heard Jackson's voice from the bedroom. He was mumbling something in his sleep. When I walked in our room I saw a panting Jackson on the bed, the sweat glittering on his forehead and down his neck. His hands were grabbing the bed sheets and he had a grimace on his face.

I kneeled down on the bed beside him and shook him gently.

He threw his head to the other side and this time it was obvious that he was having problems breathing.

“Jackson,” I called out to him, the fear slowly crawling in my body.

After a few calls he finally woke up. His shirt was drenched in sweat and his breathing was so loud, I worried if he really was in that bad condition.

“What’s wrong? Are you feeling unwell?” I asked and took a few tissues from the desk to wipe out his sweat.

He scratched the back of his head, a bit confused as to where he was at first.

“Jackson?”

His eyes were in a daze when he looked up. “Hm?”

Quickly, I woke Jaebum up, afraid that this situation was worse than I thought.

When I came back, Jackson had once again fallen down on the bed, totally passed out. His breathing was heavy and he was curled up like a snail, suddenly looking so fragile.

Jaebum, being the leader, judged Jackson’s condition.

“He doesn’t look too good, hyung,” BamBam said from the side, looking worried at Jackson.

My hands were tightly clenched.

This kind of thing had happened before. Knowing since the morning that he was feeling feverish, Jackson had just brushed it away by saying that it was only a light cold. Three hours later at the fan meeting he had collapsed, vomiting and having a hard time breathing, just like now. He’d immediately been rushed to the hospital where the doctor said that it was anemia.

A hand on my shoulder dragged me back to the real world. Jinyoung looked at me with calming eyes and said “Don’t worry. He’ll be fine.”

“Let’s wait till tomorrow. If he still hasn’t gotten better, we’ll call our manager,” Jaebum said with arms crossed over his chest.

“He took a few painkillers earlier today so I thought his headache had gotten better,” Youngjae said.

It made us look confused at him.

“When? He also got a painkiller from me,” I said, the concern growing bigger and bigger inside me.

Youngjae’s eyes widened. “He took two painkillers before the shooting.”

I rubbed my forehead. Thinking about the amount of pain Jackson had been in to ask for two painkillers made my heart break a little. He always hid his pain like this. One day I asked and his response was “We are already busy enough. To add my physical pain would just be stupid. And anyway, I can take care of myself.”

I might have hit him for that kind of response that day and lectured him about the importance of our group.

Yugyeom was quiet, his arms were stretched down in a big V and his hands placed on top of the other.

I let out a frustrated sigh.

“He’s trying to get himself killed,” I said and went out in the living room, couldn’t bear the sight of a pale and huffing Jackson.

Jinyoung went after me but I shook him off.

“Not now, Jinyoung, I’m not in the mood for a talk,” I said, taking my jacket from the couch and putting my shoes on.

“Where are you going?”

His voice sounded worried. I shrug my shoulders.

“Anywhere. I can’t breathe in here.”

The cold wind welcomed me when I opened the door of the building and I shivered.

I wanted to do something to get my mind off Jackson but his sick face and tiny body kept invading my mind.

I pulled a few leaves off the tree and let out a sigh for the hundredth time.

It was past midnight when I came back to the dorm.

The others had placed a bowl with water and a cloth next to the bed and placed another wet cloth on Jackson’s forehead.

I went over to the bed and touched the cloth on his forehead. It had become burning hot. I took it away and dipped it in the ice cold water before I squeezed the water out of it and placed it on his forehead again, hoping to calm down his burning temperature.

Not knowing what else to do, I sat down on the edge of the bed and studied him.

I suddenly noticed how drenched in sweat his shirt had become again even though the others had changed his clothes less than an hour ago.

After having taken a new washed sleeveless T-shirt from the closet, I tried to take off his shirt. Halfway through it, I heard him mumle something that sounded like “Yi En.. hurts.”

His voice was so painfully weak.

I pulled away after having stripped him off his shirt.

“Where? Where does it hurt, GaGa?”

He coughed and soon fell asleep again.

I put the new shirt on him and crawled to bed next to him, putting an arm across his stomach while digging my head in between his neck and shoulder.

“Don’t worry, I’m here for you. Just hush and go to sleep.”

I stayed awake for a couple of hours and when the ray of sunshine slowly reached the room, I fell asleep only for twenty minutes before the alarm went off. 

Through the night I had heard Jackson’s silent cries and pained moans. Being awake gave me an advantage to keep changing the wet cloths and wipe the sweat off his body. I held him when he let out pained sounds and hugged him tightly when he finally fell asleep only to repeat the sounds the next second. That was all I could do for him. It wasn’t nearly enough and I hated myself for it.

I woke up at the sound of Jackson coughing.

“Jackson?” I said, getting up immediately.

Jackson sat up, holding his head and making a grimace.

“What time is it?”

The wet cloth fell on his lap and he looked down on it.

“What happened?”

At first, I was worried and checked if he was feeling better and if his temperature had gone down. But as he looked so oblivious, I slowly felt the anger rise inside me.

“You got a fever. Why didn’t you tell me that it wasn’t just headache?”

I sounded complaining.

“I told you I was fine?”

I looked at him, not really sure if I had heard right.

“You what? Fine? You call this fine? Jackson, you had a 40 degree fever all night. You even took three painkillers in one day. How the hell is that being fine?”

I was venting the anger on him when I shouldn’t. He still looked sick. But now that I had started, I couldn’t stop. His carefree personality drove me nuts.

“Why are you getting mad? It was just one little fever. I’m fine now.”

He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and was about to stand up but I pulled him right down on the bed again.

“Where are you going?”

“We have a fan meeting in two hours, of course I’m getting ready.”

He said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I swear to god, Jackson, if you do not stay in the bed, I’m going to make you,” I said as I tightened my grip around his arm. Normally, he would’ve been able to easily shake me off but this time his body was too weak. He tried to fight me off a bit but sunk down when he didn’t have any luck.

“Let me go, Mark. You know how important this fan meeting is. Thousands of fans from all over the world are coming. I can’t just disappoint them and not show up.”

My eyes were firing lightening bolts at his comment.

“Well, but guess what’s more important than a fan meeting. Your health! I’m not going to let you go anywhere.”

“Stop being ridiculous and don’t exaggerate everything.”

“Wang Jia Er!” I shouted, finally at my limit.

“What’s going on so early in the morning,” BamBam said while scratching his stomach and clenching his eyes when the sunlight hit his face. Next to him, Yugyeom yawned out loud.

Jaebum and Jinyoung also appeared. Jaebum rushed to Jackson’s side to check his temperature.

I scuffed. “He wants to go to the fan meeting. In _that_ condition.”

Jaebum shook his head. “I got green light from our manager. He said it’s okay if you don’t go today and just rest for the time being.”

“Hyung, I’m really fine. See, my temperature has gone down,” said Jackson in a slight desperate tone as he grabbed Jinyoung’s hand to get confirmation on his claim.

“Jackson-ah, I think they are right. Just stay at home today. Just to be on the safe side.”

“You guys are totally exaggerating right now.”

“Long time anemia isn’t something to mess around with, you stupid idiot,” I yelled, saying words I didn’t like to say but the anger got the best of me.

Jaebum gave a quick look at me to tell me to calm down. But hearing Jackson say invalid things to defend himself just made the anger inside me grow bigger.

“Lie down,” Jinyoung said as he adjusted the pillows to help make it comfortable.

“I’m not a retarded person, I can lie down on my own,” said Jackson, annoyed and angry at the whole situation.

I stuffed my hands in my pockets and refused to look at Jackson when his brown eyes tried to link with mine.

“Jackson, stop being so flippant,” Jinyoung scolded.

Jackson let out a loud sigh and grabbed his phone from the desk.

“Whatever.”

“Let’s get ready, kids. We have one hour.”

One by one, they left the room, leaving me and Jackson behind.

I went through our closet looking for something to wear.

“I don’t get why you are mad,” sounded Jackson’s voice from behind.

I knew that if I answered, things would get out of hand again. So I kept quiet and took out a black T-shirt with a grey hoodie and a pair of blue knee-shredded jeans.

“And so what if I took a few painkillers. They helped me get through shooting and all,” he continued.

“Jackson, stop. I’m not in the mood to discus this with you,” I said, unintentionally sounding tired.

After having taken a quick bath, I stepped out of the bathroom, the towel around my neck and another tied around my waist. Jackson had closed eyes and his steady breathing made me feel relieved. He was feeling better, I could see.

His phone was in his hand and he had too many pillows behind his neck. I put on my shirt and pants.

Then I went to pull one of the pillows out when he suddenly opened his eyes. Our faces were so close that I could see his long pretty eye lashes.

“You don’t look good,” he stated and lifted his hand to touch my face.

I took out a pillow from behind his head and turned away. He grabbed my wrist.

“Did you not sleep at all yesterday to take care of me? I could feel you by my side all night.”

His tone was warm and I could see the love in his eyes.

“Sorry for being an ass. I know you were worried.”

I sat down beside him, my arm on the other side of his body as I leaned closer.

“It’s not about me, Jackson. You just need to take better care of yourself. You are the one going on about health and organic to fans yet you are the one always collapsing like this. What would have happened if I hadn’t noticed you being sick yesterday? Would you just have gone to the fan meeting and repeated the other incident? Don’t be stubborn and silly, Wang Jia Er.”

He looked a bit at me before a smile appeared on his lips, making him look so adorable and innocent.

“Yeah, you’re right. It just hurts me a little to disappoint our fans like this. The ticket is so expensive and on top of that, there are fans flying from all over the world. Just for a three hours fan meeting with us. And yet I can’t be there for them. I mean, some of them only come for me.”

I nodded, fully understanding him. “Yes, but we also need you to be in good health. If you go there and your body weakens, it would just create a bigger problem, right?”

He gave a little nod. I sent him a smile and pulled gently at his cheeks.

“Rest well, okay. We’ll be back soon.”

I pecked his lips and turned away in time before Jaebum appeared in the doorway to our room and knocked once before saying “Have you guys finally made up?”

Jackson sent him his most cheeky smile. “Made up? We were never fighting. Mark, don’t say anything.”

Jaebum and I laughed and shook our heads at the sight of a joking Jackson.

Judging by his cheerfulness he was already recovering but he still looked pale.

“Hyung, Jinyoung hyung made some soup and rice porridge so make sure to eat that when we leave,” Yugyeom said. BamBam bumped into him and he went off to chase the other maknae, laughing when he caught him. BamBam’s squeals resonated in the busy dorm. Youngjae’s high laughter could probably be heard from downstairs.

And all I could think of was when we finally got back from the fan meeting so I could cuddle with Jackson. He would bore himself to death, I predicted.

I took my jacket and gave Jackson a last look.

“Wang Jia Er, if you even think of leaving the dorm before we come back, I’m going to come right back and tie you to the bed. Is that clear?” I was 100 % serious.

“So, it’s fine if I go out when you guys come back?” Jackson laughed his high-pitched laughter.

I crossed my arms over my chest. “You will have to go through me and I doubt you will be able to with that weak body of yours.”

Flexing his right overarm that was about to burst with a huge muscle, he looked triumphal at me. “We’ll see about that, Mark.”

I shook my head but I couldn’t help but smile at him always boasting about his arm muscles.

“Rest well and remember to heat up the food when you get hungry. Don’t stay on your phone for too long, read a book or something,” Jinyoung’s voice sounded from the living room. I nodded in consent and waved at Jackson before I went out of the room.

Jaebum was in the middle of squeezing the life out of Youngjae, Jinyoung was about to style his hair in front of the mirror and Yugyeom was making jokes about BamBam’s pink shiny boots that attracted way too much attention.

“We’re off,” Jaebum said, finally letting go of a nearly dead Youngjae.

“Come back soon,” sounded Jackson’s reply. He was already sounding bored but I could spot a bit of loneliness behind his voice too.

“I’ll text you as much as I can,” I said in Chinese, attracting the others’ attention.

“What’d you say?” Jinyoung wanted to know.

“He said to eat all of Youngjae’s premium milk biscuits,” Jackson said.

I smiled and nodded but only got hit by a laughing Youngjae.

“Yah!”

I pushed him gently but firmly out and followed behind him.

I slightly worried about Jackson but knew that he would send a text as soon as I was out of the door. My phone vibrated in my pocket and confirmed my prediction. It made me smile.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all know that Jackson overworking is also a problem from real life, a stubborn Jackson who wants to go to work even when he's sick ~  
> So, I decided to write something on that :))
> 
> Anyway, I will write more chapters more often so stay tuned!


	3. Jealousy & Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sweet jealousy always makes a good story ~  
> Members are tired but Jackson only knows how to be jealous

When we came home five hours later, the house didn’t look much different from how we’d left it. Normally, if we had a schedule and Jackson had a different one, he would always somehow manage to mess our shared room up, if not the whole house. But the only thing that had changed was the kitchen sink that was now filled with unwashed dishes.

“We’re home ~” shouted the youngest with his powerful and energetic voice.

Youngjae was drained for energy and went straight to the room he shared with Jaebum. Also Jaebum didn't look too good. It was sometimes hard to be a leader when you had to control two very noisy maknaes, I fully understood him.

Jinyoung, Jaebum and I went straight to Jackson's and mine room.

He was lying on his stomach on the bed with the notebook, looking at Tommy Hilfiger bags and even socks. When he heard us, he was up in a second.

“You’re back?”

His face had gotten more color, I noticed.

“You feeling better?” Jaebum asked, putting down an iced Americano and some snacks on the bed.

Jackson nodded. “I’m fine,” he said, dead serious. I smiled. He probably didn’t want to be left alone again so he was letting go of jokes and humor until we believed him.

“That’s good,” I said as I put my phone to charge.

Jackson had been texting me nonstop, asking about the fan meeting, if fans got too close to me, what I ate or drink, how many autographed photos I gave out and about a thousand other things. My phone had been buzzing all three hours the fan meeting had lasted. One of our crew members had scolded me and told me to pay more attention to the long line of fans in front of me. But it wasn’t my fault that my boyfriend was such an attention seeking guy. Though I liked this side of Jackson.

The two youngest came in the room too, dabbing on their way.

“What have you been doing, hyung?” BamBam asked.

“Just, been looking at pictures fans have been uploading of you guys,” Jackson said, trying not to sound too disappointed for not having been there.

He suddenly sat up straight and looked at his members with big dramatic eyes.

“By the way, tell me honestly, did Mark really have the least fans?”

I cursed silently. How could he still remember my text message?

Jinyoung shook his head even though he clearly saw the begging eyes I gave him.

“No? The line of fans wanting his autograph was going so long you couldn’t even see the end.”

Stating the facts in the most blunt way, Jinyoung hid a devilish smile, clapped Jackson on the back and innocently went to his room, leaving a shocked Jackson behind.

BamBam and Yugyeom held back their laughter and Jaebum just stood with his arms crossed and a smile on his lips, anticipating Jackson’s reaction.

“You lied to me?”

Jackson accusingly pointed his finger at me.

“Jackson..” I started but he cut me off.

“Yah!” he yelled as he grabbed my shirt and pulled me down to the bed.

“Eeeew!” Yugyeom said loudly and Jaebum hushed them by saying “Let’s go, kids. Let them solve it by themselves.”

I laughed as Jackson wrapped his arm around my neck in the scary similar grip that Jaebum always used. My back was against his stomach and my face turned away from his but I could just imagine the facial expression he had right now.

“How could you cheat on me?” sounded Jackson’s jealous voice.

“I didn’t cheat on you,” I said while I still couldn’t stop laughing at this whole issue.

“Who? Who is she?!”

At times like this he could still manage to be funny.

“Let go, Jackson, I can’t breathe,” I said even though he didn’t even hold me nearly strong enough for me to not be able to fight back.

He had regained his strength which I most of the time couldn’t compare to.

“I can’t breathe most of the time because of you, how are you going to be responsible for that?”

He suddenly turned the situation towards a whole new direction and surprised me when he let go of my neck and turned around so I was lying on the bed with him onto me. He placed his hand on my cheek and his thumb caressed the outer corner of my eye as he looked me warmly in the eyes.

“I missed you, Yi En.”

I smiled. “How are you going to cope with being away for two days when you can’t even handle being apart for five hours?”

He sighed but his thumb didn’t stop moving. He was making my heart go crazy at this moment. His beauty shined even though he had zero make-up and messed up hair.

He looked at me a couple of seconds, his eyes studying every centimeter of my face.

“It’s not a joke that you are GOT7’s visual,” he finally said as he bowed down. His hair brushed against my chin. Making me gasp a little, I felt his warm lips on my neck. He took his time, kissing me for a whole 10 seconds before he pulled away and let his finger slightly touch the place he had kissed.

Out of breath I could only stare at him. He looked satisfied with his work.

“Wait, did you leave a mark?” I asked, suddenly conscious.

He got off me and took the iced Americano. “Who knows.”

I sighed. “Jackson, you know you can’t do that. If the public gets even a little suspicious of-“

“It’s on yourself, Mark. Shouldn’t have lied,” he said, ending the sentence with a melodic tone and a smile on his lips.

“Mark and Jackson, what do you guys want for dinner?” Yugyeom shouted. His vocals were so strong that Jackson made a grimace and was on his way to tease the younger.

I went to the bathroom to study the spot where Jackson had left his kiss mark. Fortunately, it was only a little pink. I wiped the foundation off my face with a wet wipe and went in the living room where they had gathered for some lazy TV watching. Only BamBam and Yugyeom still had energy enough to argue about which pizza number they wanted to order.

Jinyoung was reading a book in the corner, totally unbothered by the noise the youngest were making. He looked tired so I walked over to him.

“Go get some sleep, Jinyoung. You look like you are about to pass out.”

He nodded and after having read the page finish, he put the book away and went to his room.

Jackson had his legs on Jaebum’s lap. Also Jaebum looked tired but when I sat down on the floor in front of them, he turned his focus on me and said “Mark, go sleep too. You haven’t slept all night and even in the car, you couldn’t, right?”

Right. We were in the car for about an hour and as much as I would have wished I could sleep, Jackson’s text messages woke me all the time. I didn’t want to cut him off because I knew how upset he was about having gotten sick and not being able to join us today.

Jackson sent me a look that I didn’t respond to.

A yawn slipped through my lips and made him look at me once again.

Without turning away from the TV in front of me, I said: “Stop feeling guilty, Jackson.”

“Sorry..”

His “sorry” was almost inaudible but the silence in the room made it clear enough for me to hear.

I sent him a smile and reached out to ruffle up his hair. “Don’t be. I was the one who was worried and couldn’t leave you alone. You had been feeling unwell since the photo session, right?”

He gave a small nod and looked down at his hands. “I really didn’t want to make it harder for everyone. I mean, they were working so hard and had been doing that for hours. If I had to be sent back home it would only delay the shooting, right? So, I didn’t dare to say anything.”

I looked at him and said a little disappointed “You couldn’t even tell me?”

“No, that’s not it,” he said, suddenly standing up.

Jaebum who had just fallen asleep with Jackson’s legs on his lap, woke up.

Dazed at his surroundings for a while, he then stood up and went like a zombie to his room to join Youngjae.

Jackson looked at me with an intense stare. He pulled me up to the couch and used me this time as a pillow to put his legs on. But he was rather cuddly this time, different from how he'd been with Jaebum.

“You know it’s not like that,” he said, sounding like a child who was trying to convince his parents that he wouldn’t eat candy for a week if they let him stay up late.

“You have done it before,” I pointed out.

He was quiet for a couple of seconds as if he was trying to muster up courage to confess a big secret.

His arm was linked to mine and his other hand was resting on my knee. He started playing with the threads in the shredded part of my jeans.

“I just don’t want to worry you. I mean, it’s already enough that I make you wait for me while I go to China. I feel like I can’t make this more troublesome.”

Sighing at his logic I said “Wang Jia Er, I want you to worry me. I want you to tell me when you’re not feeling well, when you’re tired, when you’re worried. I just want you to tell me everything. That makes me feel better than going around not knowing how you feel. Just let it out, don’t hesitate and don’t worry about being troublesome. Don’t you know me that well?”

I melted a little at the angelic smile he gave me.

“I’ll try to in the future,” he said as he let his head fall lightly on my chest.

“There’s one thing I like about being short.”

I let my chin rest on his head and asked “Really? What?”

I was expecting a joke but instead he said “I can do this,” as he snuggled further up so his head was right below my jaw and found a more comfortable position. I looked down and could see his long lashes. He had closed his eyes.

“Tired?”

I could hear the smile in his voice when he answered. “No, just relaxed.”

“But are you really okay now?” I asked.

“Mhm.”

“You sounded like you were in a lot of pain yesterday. You even cried out once. I was so worried, you have no idea. I mean, it’s not the first time that we would've had to call a doctor.”

“The only thing I remember is you.” He was almost whispering.

“Your comforting words made everything better. Thanks, Yi En.”

I kissed his scalp and the scent of his hair hit me strong. A scent of lemon and tulips, a weird yet attracting combination.

Feeling my eyelids becoming more and more heavy, I closed my eyes and already felt myself drown in a relieving sleep, forgetting all about the pizza that the youngest had ordered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, yay
> 
> Comment down below and give me some confidence to write more :-*


	4. Missing you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson's away in China. They miss each other but when they reunite, some passionate love awaits ~

We were in the middle of an interview when I felt my phone buzz. Two hours ago we had seen Jackson off to the airport and I was quite sure that it was him texting now. It would be inappropriate to take out my phone now and answer him, so I waited till the MC had finished asking us question. When they played our recently released song, I reached down for my pocket and fished my phone up.

As expected, it was Jackson.

 _“Have you eaten?”_ Jackson wrote in his text message.

Texting him back, I wrote: _“Yeah, a while ago.”_

Immediately three jumping dots showed up, showing that he was replying me as soon as I had texted him. Smiling at his need for me, I waited till he wrote; _“What did you eat?”_

_“Just kimbap.”_

_“Eat proper food.”_

_“Yeah. Are you sitting in the plane yet?”_

_“No, still waiting in line.”_

_“Don’t forget to put your phone on fly mode.”_

He would always forget to put his phone on fly mode and that costed him a bigger phone bill. It was his own fault yet he had the audacity to complain to his phone company.

_“I know ~ You, don’t sleep late. You guys have an early schedule, right?”_

_“Stop nagging.”_

_“‘Nagging’? How mean, I’m just worried about you.”_

_“I wasn’t the one getting sick recently.”_

_“…”_

I laughed at the three dots he had sent and wrote a last “Take care.”

_“You could at least send a heart ~ :-*”_

I rolled my eyes at his text but I couldn’t help smiling at him always being the silly Jackson.

The MC was getting ready to once again start with the questions as our music video was coming to an end. I put my phone away.

“Mark hyung, where did you buy your necklace?” BamBam asked and made all eyes turn on me. He was sitting next to me so he could clearly see the accessories on me. I looked down on my chest. He was talking about the golden necklace Jackson had given me on my birthday, not in front of the other members but when we were alone later that day. It wasn’t really supposed to be a secret. But I couldn’t exactly say on a live broadcast that the necklace had a big importance to me because it was a gift from Jackson. So, instead I said;

“A gift from my dad.”

“It must mean a lot to you, then?” the MC said to me.

I nodded and explained how I rarely wore it because I was afraid to lose it. It wasn’t even a lie. Since the time when Jackson almost lost the necklace I had given him, I realized that rather than wearing it everyday and risk dropping it, I would just wear it sometimes.

It wasn’t really planned for us to gift a necklace on each other’s birthday nor was it to be romantic. It was just out of pure respect to the other that we decided to do this. Personally I guess I could say that I admired Jackson. His honesty and selflessness always somehow surprised me, no matter how many times I saw it. He was so pure and kindhearted, I doubted that anyone could compare to him. The way he always tried to spread laughter, the way he cared for people he had met that same day and the way he would always listen to us when we had something on our mind. He meant so much, not just to me, but to all the members. Because we knew him so well, we also knew his worth.

“He’s the funny guy in your group, right?” the MC asked, waking me up from my thoughts.

The others nodded and began talking about how the mood was always light and good when he was around. I wanted to say that he wasn’t just the funny guy, that he could be very serious too. But instead I bit my tongue and let the conversation move on to the next question.

On the way to the car Jinyoung gently bumped his shoulder into mine and made me turn my head towards him.

“That’s the necklace Jackson gave you, right?”

He raised his eyebrows and made a gesture towards my necklace. Surprised, I asked: “How did you know?”

He gave a little smile and said “He dragged me to go shopping but spent three hours trying to find you the perfect gift.”

Knowing he had gotten a rather embarrassed reaction from me with his words, he left me with a heart beating faster than the speed limit on the motorway and a face rapidly blushing.

Damn it, Jinyoung. Now that he had told me such a thing, I wanted to see Jackson more and tell him how deep I was falling for him.

It wasn’t really a surprise that he did kind gestures like this without telling me. But when I found out, I was always dumbfounded for a few seconds. Then the feelings would rush through me, making me more and more aware of the effect he had on me.

I remembered last night, how he had stayed awake to tell me about how he was getting more hater comments than normal. I hadn’t commented on anything he’d said because I knew that just listening to him was all he wanted.

It was a matter of course that he would get more haters the more popular he got. He was getting so famous all over the world. Him starring on different variety shows was getting him so much popularity it was crazy. But the price he had to pay for was also very heavy. He was literally paying with his health and strength. No matter how busy the rest of us GOT7 members were, none of us could compare to the busyness of Jackson. One day he would be in China for a show and the next day he had a fan meeting in Korea. Sometimes I wanted to tell our boss and manager to let him rest for once. Pushing a fan meeting one day further wouldn’t make so much damage compared to how weak Jackson was getting from all the traveling. But I always held back, knowing that Jackson wouldn’t like it. He was such a stubborn guy.

Closing my eyes in the car as soon as it started, I caught up on a lot of missed sleep, the same thing couldn’t be said for Jackson. He had barely gotten three hours of sleep because of talking all night. He had held my hands a little too tight and I could already feel how much he missed me that night. He didn’t show it so obviously but we both knew how it felt when we were away from each other. Though I also knew that Jackson felt it the most. I was at least here in Korea with the other boys. Jackson was most certainly closer to his members than anyone in China.

It was past midnight when we opened the door to our dorm. I was exhausted, the five hours drive had drained all our energy up, even BamBam and Yugyeom went straight to bed after having brushed their teeth. The only one with some energy left was Youngjae who turned his Playstation on and sat down to play a racing game.

We said our “Goodnight” and parted ways.

During nights like this where Jackson wasn’t at home, I would always feel his absence too much. When we were sleeping together, he always insisted on intertwining our fingers or he would link his arm with mine. It wasn’t particularly uncomfortable to sleep like that but he would also want to do it during hot nights. In the end he would just kick off the blankets but he wouldn’t let go of me. Sometimes being the taller one, I would put my arms around him and he would curl up beside me with his turtle in his arms. When I would wake up at night and see the adorable sight of him with the blue Pokémon figure, Squirtle, it would always melt my heart. How could one be 23 years old and still look so hopelessly cute?

I texted Jackson a “Goodnight” and added a little heart beside to at least give him this little thing that he wanted so badly. Knowing he would squeal his usual high-noted sound when he saw the message, I laughed a bit and put my phone away to go to sleep.

We finally had a day off the next day. Once again I thought how nice it would’ve been if Jackson had been in Korea for this day. He needed a little rest and one day would do him more than good.

When I woke up in the morning, my head hurt. I hadn’t been able to sleep well last night and had ended up being on my phone till the first sunlight invited itself in the room. When I had fallen asleep again, Yugyeom and BamBam had decided to play pillow fight and had woken me up with their loud yells and laughs. In the late afternoon the others had suggested eating out but I wasn’t in the mood. I was lazying around in bed and deciding on whether to make some food or watch TV. The last option sounded best but my stomach made a complaining sound. With a yawn I finally got out of bed and searched the cabinet to see whether Youngjae or BamBam had eaten all the ramen but lucky for me, there was still one left.

Waiting for the water to boil, I checked my phone. Jackson had answered my message with emoji faces and hearts. I smiled at his lazy response and knew that the emoji’s represented his actual reaction.

I had just put in the noodle and scattered the seasoning in the pot when the door opened.

I turned to see Jackson with his suitcase. Even though the black cap shadowed his eyes and the mask covered most of his face, I could clearly see how exhausted he was. When he saw me though, a smile lighted up his face.

He took off the mask and cap and came towards me with arms spread.

“I’m home,” he said as he made gestures to tell me he wanted a hug.

Laughing at his silliness I pulled him in and put my arms around him.

“Yeah, welcome home.”

The boiling sound from the pot made me pull away. Jackson saw the ramen in the making and immediately started ranting.

“You’re eating ramen? That’s not healthy. Where are the others?”

“Eating out,” I answered as I stirred the noodles.

“Yah, how many times have I told you to eat proper food? And what’s with your face? Did you just wake up?”

He was precisely pointing out the facts, so I had nothing to say.

“Really, what should I do with you? As your boyfriend, you really don’t listen to me.”

I kissed his cheek and tried to lighten his mood because I knew he was right. He was always going on about health, especially with me. He just had to come right now, not that I was complaining, I'd missed his company.

I put the pot on the mat and sat down to start eating. Jackson gave me a judging look, much like the ones Jinyoung always gave.

“Just let it pass this time. I’m too lazy to cook something.” Before he could do what I knew he was going to do after hearing my words, I pointed my chopsticks at him and added “And don’t you dare start cooking now. You look like you could collapse any moment. Sit or lie down, don’t do anything.”

He sighed loudly and went to our room to change.

“How was the trip?” I shouted.

“Too long,” he answered and came back wearing an oversized hoodie and shorts.

He sat down in front of me beside the table and began giving himself a shoulder massage. This was the side that fans would never see. He would probably rather jump in the Han River than show fans how much it exhausted him to travel this much.

“Do you need me to do anything?” I said, slightly worried.

He shook his head. “No, it’s okay. You don’t look too good either.”

He was really observant despite his tired mood.

“I didn’t sleep well,” I admitted.

A smile appeared on his lips and made me instantly regret my confession a little.

“Why? Did you miss me not being there at night?”

I wanted to roll my eyes at him. Instead my mouth confessed another thing. “I missed you all day, stupid.”

His look changed, a rather intense and flaming desire started to show in his eyes.

“Don’t trigger me, Yi En. I might not be able to stop.”

Being a little intimidated, I said “You don’t have the energy.”

My chopsticks fell in the pot when he suddenly jumped me in less than two split-seconds.

An intense feeling was hanging in the air. I barely dared to breathe. His face was close, way too close for my comfort. Expecting me to stay calm at a situation like this was asking me to do the impossible.

I had missed him so much. I was the one who had joked about how he couldn’t handle being away from me yet I was the one shivering at the sight of a five centimeter close Jackson.

 

 

Jackson

I was just teasing him. I wanted to just tease him but this was becoming more than that. I wanted to hold him in my arms and whisper his name as I told him about how bad I had slept in the plane because he wasn’t there.

His lips were so tempting, I was going crazy. Getting a little angry at his handsomeness, I bent down and bit his lower lip, getting a light surprised reaction from him.

“Don’t test me, Tuan Yi En. You have no idea what you’re asking for,” I said and was going to pull away when he got a hold of the strings of my hoodie and stopped me from taking a step away. I felt his long and slim arms wrap around my neck.

“Stay with me, GaGa..” his low voice sounded close to my ear.

I was taken aback with his words. But when I got a hold of myself and reached out for him, the door opened and Youngjae’s powerful voice shook the whole dorm: “We’re home!”

Mark let go of me and turned towards the door where the others appeared behind Youngjae, being as loud as him.

I was so ready to kick his ass this time. As if Mark had read my mind, he put a hand on my shoulder and shook his head, clearly holding back his laughter at my reaction.

Yugyeom whispered something to BamBam and they laughed together. I thought I heard something like “They were in the middle of something but Youngjae..”

“You’re here?” Jinyoung asked and put down a take-away meal of chicken and came to me with his hand raised. I highfived him and sent him a smile.

I opened the chicken meal to show it to Mark.

“See, Mark, this is the kind of food you should eat. Not that,” I said, pointing at his ramen.

Jaebum also came to me and clapped me friendly on the back, welcoming me in his own silent way.

“Kids, remember to set your alarms to 7am. We have rehearsal tomorrow,” Jaebum announced.

Mark finished his ramen and went to our room. Youngjae must have gotten some inspiration because he opened his music notebook and sat in the corner of the living room, totally in his own world. The others went to their respective rooms.

Mark was lying on the bed, playing games on his phone. I had missed this sight. Lately we were always so busy that when we came home late at night, we always went straight to bed after brushing our teeth.

I hit his leg lightly, wanting attention now that we finally got to see each other again. “Yah, is your phone more important than me?”

His fingers were working at a full throttle and without looking away from the device on his hand, he said “Why don’t you sleep? You’re tired.”

“Really,” I said, giving up on attention from him. “You were even so aggressive before.”

He sat up and threw his phone on the bed. “I’m just worried, Jackson. We have an early schedule tomorrow and if you don’t get enough sleep, you might get sick again. Why do you never learn from the incidents?”

I felt like he was accusing me of something and feeling the need to defend myself, I said “I’m used to getting less than five hours sleep.”

“Well, get un-used to it. It’s not healthy for your body. And you wonder why you get sick so often.”

He made arm gestures out in the air.

“Why are you getting mad at me now?” I asked, confused.

“Because I feel like I’m the only one who cares about you and your health!”

His voice was getting louder for every word he said.

“You aren’t. That’s why I drink organic tea and exercise!”

He let out a frustrated sigh and turned away from me, suddenly unwilling to continue the fight he had started.

“You don’t get it, Jackson. You are good at being oblivious to a lot of things. I’m not gonna tell you everything just because you are blind to see it yourself.”

Suddenly, I felt like this wasn’t about what he pretended it was about.

I wanted to smile but it was too soon. Instead I sat beside him on the bed and said “Perhaps.. are you jealous about me getting kissed by that fan at the show?”

I was a little afraid of teasing him because he always had a tendency to somehow distance himself from me when I tried to get too close.

He was about to take his phone again, finding a way to distract himself from my teasing, but I was faster than him when I grabbed his hand.

“Tell me. Are you jealous about that? Because if you are, you really don’t have to be. It was just a light kiss on my cheek. And besides, she was only a fan, nothing more.”

His eyes looked into mine, his lower lip slightly above the upper lip in a pouting way. I finally let go of that smile I had been holding off as I kissed the corner of his mouth.

“And anyway, I’m yours and only yours. No matter how many fans steal kisses from me, it will never make my heart beat nearly as fast as the mere sight of you does.”

His mood seemed to become better at my words. 

“You aren’t tired?” he asked, his voice was both hopeful and concerned.

I shook my head. “I haven’t seen you in two days, how can I be tired now that I finally get to hold you?”

I topped him, he fell onto the bed. One of my turtles from above fell on his face. I quickly threw it on the ground, making Mark fill the room with his adorable laugh.

“You are usually so sensitive and careful with your Squirtle.”

“No one gets to cover the face of my Markiepooh,” I said as I bowed my head down, slowly reaching for his lips that in the dim light looked more seductive than usual.

Our lips made contact. I wanted to kiss him in a gentle way. But feeling his lips suck my upper lip in, I became greedy for more.

The desire which I had been suppressing since the moment we had said goodbye at the airport, kicked in. I wanted him close, so close that I could hear his racing heart beat and feel his gasping breath on my face. His mouth whispered my name in a moaning tone, “Gaga..”

My hands were resting on his neck, pulling him closer to me because I couldn’t get enough of the scent that was coming from him.

He wrapped his legs around my waist and I moved down to his neck, gently biting a spot I knew was sensitive and making him let out a moan in a low voice. I planted tiny kissed from his sharp jaw all the way down to his firm chest when he got a hold of my chin and lifted my face up to his, once again overwhelming me with the pleasure of drowning in his soft and hot lips.

“Yi En..” I whispered, afraid we wouldn’t be able to stop and just go on for the whole night.

I let my arms slip under his light body and embraced him. Our heated and intense kiss was slowing down to a relaxing tempo. As I pulled away a bit, I let my tongue briefly slide over his clean and white teeth.

Suddenly feeling the exhaustion from the traveling set in, I let my head lightly fall down on his chest. My arms were still around him. He ran his fingers through my hair, playing with it. It made the sleep kick in even though I wanted to stay awake a bit more to see my Markiepooh’s face.

A pleasant voice from above sounded near my ear: “Just go to sleep, Jia Er. I’ll be right here all the time.”

I closed my eyes, feeling the weight of my eyelids. “You always do stay with me till I fall asleep, don’t you, Yi En?”

His other hand slipped under my hoodie and let his fingers gently move up and down along the side of my body.

“Always. I’ll always be here for you. Just close your eyes. I won’t go anywhere.”

“I have a lot of debt to repay to you,” I said, half joking half serious.

“You can repay me by loving me. Only me.”

I wanted to laugh at his request. It could hardly be called a request. I knew that the only one I could ever truly love was this man. No matter how many years, how many lifetimes later, I was still certain that he was my one and only true love. Call it cheesy or whatever. That was how I felt. Problems, fights, no matter what, we would overcome them. That was how strong our love was.

“I love you, Tuan Yi En.”

It wasn’t something we needed to say out loud for us to know. But sometimes it felt good to say it out loud. And it felt good to see the reaction we got from the other when we said it. People needed to say it to satisfy or make the other know their feelings. But to the two of us, it was more for ourselves that we said it.

He rolled to the side with me in his arms. His scent overwhelmed me once again. I kissed his chest.

“Yeah, me too, Jia Er. Me too,” he answered.

I smiled at his response. It was so his style to only say ‘me too.’

“Let me just be obedient for once and follow your order. I’m going to sleep,” I said and tightened my grip around him.

He laughed softly. “Okay, but let me breathe, alright?”

I shook my head. “Bear with me. I missed you too much so I won’t let you go tonight.”

Crushing me for a moment, he reached out to turn off the lamp light on the desk behind me.

“Goodnight, Jackson.”

“Night, Mark. Sleep well and dream of me.”

His cute laugh was the last thing I heard before the sleep got me falling in a comfortable dream where Mark was the first to appear wearing only shorts. I smiled. It was going to be a good dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another real cute chapter is up!
> 
> They are so adorable here ~  
> Enjoooy :))
> 
> And please leave a comment to tell me what you thought about the new chapter. I need some confidence so do not hesitate to tell me if you liked the update :))


	5. Come Back Soon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Promises and goodbye's ~  
> Jackson misses Mark and Mark is worried about his Wang Puppy <3

Mark

We were in the car on our way to one of the many variety shows we were doing. Jackson had somehow managed to jump in the same car with me, thus giving me no room to move. He was resting his head on my shoulder and his hand was on my knee, drawing patterns and doodles. Fortunately for me, Yugyeom and Jinyoung were in the front seats and didn’t really look back. They were being rather noisy with their back and forth teasing and jokes.

I let my head fall backwards on the head lean and took out my headphones.

“Markeu,” Jackson said. I looked down on the younger boy who was wearing a denim vest, showing his muscular upper arms.

“Hm?”

“Uhm…”

Something was on his mind but he was clearly too insecure to really talk about it. I had a guess but I didn’t know if it was the right guess. So I tried;

“Is it about me leaving for Law of the Jungle?”

He looked away and proved to me that I was right.

Law of the Jungle was not just any other regular show. It was about going head first into the unknown mysteries that came with life in the jungle. Usually, it was filmed in all kinds of locations and different jungles around the world. But it was more than that. It was one of the few times where Jackson and I were away from each other for more than a week. That was probably what Jackson was afraid of, being away from me for so long. Usually he was fine with being left alone if the other members didn’t interact with him. But with me, tired or not, he would always want attention.

I was actually a little scared too. The wild life was more Jackson than me. I wasn’t used to sleeping out in the free, at least not with a guarantee of safety and comfort. The way I had seen Jackson handle it so well in the aired episode made me feel so out of place. And embarrassed at myself.

I was also worried. Worried for Jackson. I felt like I betrayed him by leaving him when he had just come back from China the other day.

Lately we barely had a whole week together.

Jackson slipped his fingers in-between mine and pressed his body closer to mine.

He breathed out. “You’ll come back soon, right? I mean, the time will pass by quick, right?”

Despite my worries and fears, I couldn’t help but smile at his voice. He was literally begging me to come back before I had even left.

I kissed his forehead gently and squeezed his hand.

“Yeah, I’ll be back before you even know it, Jackson. Don’t overthink and don’t miss me too much, alright?”

The car had suddenly become silent and I saw Jinyoung slightly turn his head to the side. He was smiling when he said: “What? Is Jackson already missing you, Mark?”

“Cute,” Yugyeom commented and laughed.

Jackson didn’t say anything to their teasing and just leaned towards me more.

The variety show was okay. Usually it would be fun but I had other things on my mind. Such as Jackson clinging on to me every chance he got.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jaebum send us a look.

We were definitely being too obvious on broadcast. But I didn’t have the heart to tell Jackson to let go of me.

He was bright on camera, always searching for ways to make people laugh. His normal behavior was also enough to make Jaebum and Jinyoung smile or make Youngjae laugh his deep and way too loud laughter.

I smiled at the sight of a cheerful Jackson and hoped he would be like this when I was gone too. He caught my eye and sent me a finger heart, making me laugh.

We were in the middle of a game that was about drinking a can of coke, finishing a slice of lemon and getting as many black beans from one plate to another as we could, all had to be done as fast as possible. Jackson was losing, being the only one with over 1 minute. When it was my turn, I drank the coke all in one go. I was focused on finishing the game but it didn’t prevent me from hearing Jackson’s “Oooh, he’s good. As expected, he’s American.”

The others burst into laughter and I was about to get distracted too, only having gotten five black beans on to the other plate.

He was amazing. How could he bring laughter to people so easily without effort? I bet if BamBam or Jaebum had said the same thing, they wouldn’t have been able to get the same reaction.

When I was done and came to stand next to Jinyoung, I felt Jackson’s hand sneak in between mine and Jinyoung’s hand. Jackson silently grabbed my little finger and with a poker face he continued to listen to the MC. I wanted to laugh at his cuteness but it would seem weird and sudden so I suppressed it and promised myself to give him more attention for the rest of the day.

When we were done with filming and were walking to our car, Jackson immediately came to walk beside me. He had this complaining expression on his face so I prepared myself for his usual jealousy.

“No, but why do you go and stand next to Jinyoung when there was space on my right side?”

I heard Jinyoung laugh from the front. He leaned in to Jaebum and said “Let’s separate them this time, you take Mark, I’ll take Jackson.”

“No,” sounded Jackson’s short refusal to the suggestion. “I’ll take Mark, you take Jinyoung, alright, Jaebum hyung?”

Jinyoung laughed, covering his mouth with his hand. Jaebum just smiled and shook his head.

“But does it make sense? You’re leaving soon yet you spend your time with someone else beside me,” continued Jackson.

“Hyung, you aren’t the only one Mark hyung won’t be seeing while he’s away,” Yugyeom said from behind, one earplug in his ear, the other hanging down.

Suddenly realizing it like it hit him like a flash of lightening, Jackson stopped for a while and with his hand on his chest, he went like “Oh, that’s true!”

BamBam laughed. “You are so stupid.”

Feeling the disrespect a little too much, Jackson went after BamBam and hit him lightly. 

“You shouldn’t treat your hyungs like that, BamBam,” Jinyoung said.

In the end it was another four hours drive where I could barely move in the car. It was amazing how it only took Jackson three seconds to fill up two seats considering how much space each of us had in the big car. He had one of his legs on mine, his arm was linked with mine and his head was on my shoulder, much like the position we had on our way here.

Jaebum and BamBam were sleeping ten minutes after we’d sat in the car.

I looked down on Jackson. He was glancing out the window.

I knew very well how tired he got after filming variety shows. But he was clearly forcing himself to stay awake so he could have more time with me.

I tried anyway.

“Jackson-ah, aren’t you tired? Just sleep.”

He looked up. “Why do you always ask me to sleep?”

I laughed at his dramatical expression and how right he was. “No, but you look really tired. Don’t force yourself and just go to sleep.”

“For once, why don’t you sleep? Then I can watch your face while you are dreaming about jungle and me.”

“Jungle and you? Really?” I laughed.

He smiled, his eyes on my lips. “I’m serious, though. Lean back and close your eyes. Or just put your head on my shoulder,” he said and slightly lifted his shoulder.

I shook my head. “No, I’ll just do like this.” I let my head lean against the cold window.

“Why? Because I’m short?”

“No. Seriously..” I said and gave him a hopeless look at how he always degraded himself. “It just feels better like this.”

“Really… You don’t even seem like you’ll miss me.” He looked disappointed and I laughed at his pouting face.

“Of course I’ll miss you, stupid,” I said, grinning.

“Give me a kiss, then,” he suddenly leaned in, his lips formed a wide M. I pushed him away and pointed at the two seats in front of us.

“We’re not alone, control yourself,” I said, giving him a hopeless look as I tried to free myself from him a little.

We weren’t being that obvious with the way we were sitting in the car. But I definitely wasn’t ready to take the chance to kiss him. There was the driver in front.

“I will do a lot of controlling soon. Why can’t you just bear with me for now?”

Turning my head towards him, I sighed. “I’m already bearing with you a lot.”

“You are so mean. I can’t believe you.”

He pulled himself away from me and crossed his arms, clearly pouting.

I observed him for a while. This side of him always had me conflicted. I knew very well of the dangers that came with our relationship. We were very careful to keep it at the joking level when we were on broadcast. But no matter what, nothing could stop Jackson from being selfish sometimes. And with the way I was, he would be even more selfish, wanting my attention every second. There would even be times where he would purposely be intimate with another member to make me notice him. I hated my personality at times. Me being withdrawn and shy made me feel sorry towards Jackson who was the complete opposite of me. It made him hold back with being selfish a bit. I wanted him to be selfish with me, demand more things from me.

Usually, he was very understanding of my nature but when he wanted to be more intimate with me, I would often refuse, being more afraid of public eyes.

But sometimes, he would really make me want to step the boundaries, cross the line and break the rules. He was able to bring this side of me out that I didn’t even know I had in me and it scared me.

I wanted to give him everything in the world because I knew he deserved it. But I was more of a coward than a romanticist.

I reached out for him and touched his hand gently.

“Jackson.. You know I want to but..”

He turned towards me. “I know,” he said and sent me a bright smile.

I couldn’t help but feel my heart shrink a little at his answer. He knew me too well and he understood this coward-ish of me. He accepted the whole of me.

I made him look at me and said “When we get home..”

I wished so badly that he knew how much I yearned for him and how hard it was for me to stay away from him. The mere touch of his fingers burned me with desire.

The rest of the three and a half hour in the car was a torture. Jackson was sleeping next to me, his face way too close. The feelings inside me were winding around like a tornado, messing with the logic in my head and every compromise I had made with myself. It made me want to wake Jackson up and attack him with kisses and promises of a better future and a better me.

I sighed deeply. 

Jackson hadn’t let go of my hand. His head was about to slide down from my shoulder. So I gently pushed it down and let it rest on my lap.

I let my fingers brush over his beautiful features and admired his handsome face.

His jawline was sharp, his nose was big but not too big. And his eyebrows were like cut out of an eyebrow pencil ad. His face had lost weight but he still looked so perfect, it took my breath away every time I noticed his beauty.

His rose colored lips were dry.

Leaning back I closed my eyes and thanked the heavens for letting me fall asleep instantly.

I woke up three hours later when Jackson lightly shook me awake while rubbing his own sleepy face.

“We’re home,” he said, his voice rusty and un-used.

I got off the car. The sun had nearly disappeared behind high buildings.

BamBam and Jaebum were rather energetic and I wondered how I didn’t wake up in the car if they had been that noisy.

Jackson sent me a smile as we walked into the JYP building. I immediately saw through him and his cheeky smile. He wanted something from me. And honestly, I wanted to give it to him so badly. Only for tonight. Only tonight I wanted to grant him every wish he asked of me.

I wasn’t doing nearly enough for him.

His schedules were also crazy these days around the summer. I knew he blamed himself for leaving me so often. And I also knew how limited our time together was now that he was getting more and more offers to appear on different TV shows. We had even argued about this once.

It was an awful fight. Jackson had gotten teary eyes. We were yelling back and forth, none of us could really hear what the other was saying. After that we hadn’t talked for a week. He had been stubborn, I’d still been angry.

Jackson grabbed my hand when we reached our dorm, our manager and the crew members said goodnight and headed off to their own rooms.

The other members went to the living room to watch TV after having brought snacks to the table. 

I was tired and wanted to sleep. But Jackson who had caught up on some missing sleep, looked at me, a small smile was resting on his plumbed lips.

“Please..”

He whispered. His voice gentle but at the same time so full of feelings and unhidden desire that it made me shiver.

He tugged on my arm and made big eyes, the kind of puppy eyes I could never really resist to.

I laughed. “You don’t need to do that, silly. Of course I will do anything for you tonight. I owe you this much.”

His whole face lighted up. It was such a sight.

I pulled him closer, hinting at the fact that I had wanted him since this morning.

His breath was on my nape, his hands pushed me lightly but the look in his eyes were determined. 

My back hit the door but he didn’t bother opening it. We stood there a few seconds, a few dangerous seconds, anyone could show up. He spread my legs with his knee and came closer, planting his hands on each side of my head and giving me no chance to escape. Because honestly, this side of Jackson always had me thunderstruck. He could look so innocent and sweet like an angel. But when the desire got to him, he would look so dangerous like right now. So full of intensity and an explosion of feelings that it almost scared me away. He looked so damn hot and intriguing, burning with a flaming desire in those brown eyes which I loved so much.

“I want you, Tuan Yi En,” he whispered, calling my full name and making me tremble at the sound of his lustful tone.

His nose touched mine, his eyes telling me how badly he had suffered with these suppressed desires until now.

With a quick act he forced the door open, stretched his neck and let his teeth graze my chin.

He took a few steps towards me, looking like he could attack me anytime. My heart racing in my chest, I backed until my legs hit the bed and I fell down on it.

Not wasting a second he climbed on top of me, exerting a bit of his weight on me while taking off his shirt in a swift act.

“Jackson..” My voice was only a whisper and soon followed by a inaudible gasp when I saw his flawless skin.

“Come here,” I said, my body and my arms reaching out for him, wanting him closer than it was possible.

The eagerness in his eyes disappeared and it was replaced with a warm gaze and a soft smile appeared on his lips which were so full of a natural bright red color.

“Do that for me,” he said, giving me a look full of love.

“Do what?” I asked and let my finger follow the lines of his abs, the muscles firm under my touch.

“Want me,” he said as he bowed down, brown locks of hair fell down on his forehead and even covered his eyes, making him look so irresistible that my patience ran out. I grabbed him by the neck and pulled him in to me, my lips hit his brutally and I finally let myself indulge in the pleasure we both had waited so impatiently for. I faintly felt him smiling against my lips but I was too caught up in the moment to notice anything except for the amazing feeling of his soft lips moving between mine.

~ ~ ~ 

He was lying on his stomach, his arms flexing the big muscles.

One hand under his chin, holding his head up and the other on my shoulder, tracing my jaw line.

“I’m gonna miss you,” he said, giving me a little smile.

I turned towards him, silently admiring his perfectly shaped face in the dim light.

Not saying anything, I let him continue.

“I always do leave you, don’t I?”

I shook my head and grabbed his hand, slowly intertwining our fingers.

“That’s not the right way to put it,” I said, switching over to Chinese. “You are just away momentarily. And anyway, I’m leaving too this time, while you are in China.”

He suddenly leaned in and planted a soft kiss on my shoulder whereafter he put his head on my arm and found a comfortable position.

“I love when you speak Chinese,” he said, his voice merely a whisper near my ear.

I chuckled. “Only when I speak Chinese?”

“And English and Korean and Thai and Japanese.”

I smiled and kissed his forehead. “Don’t worry so much about me when you leave for your Chinese activities. I’m happy for you and proud of you. All I need is your happiness.”

He linked his arm with me and made my smile. It was his habit to snuggle like this when we were in bed. It was a damn good idea that we had gotten rid of the bunk bed. This was more comfortable even though Jackson seldom used his side of the bed, always clinging to me like this.

“You know, for someone who’s rarely heard in interviews and all, you talk a lot when we’re alone.”

I shrug my shoulders, forgetting that Jackson was using one of them.

“I guess we switch roles when we are alone and when we are together with others.”

He laughed his usual noisy laughter which I was so fond of.

“How am I quiet? I’m always the one doing all the talking. You just moan and-“

“Yah,” I cut him off before he could continue his teasing. I was grateful to the light being dim or else Jackson would have seen my bright red face and teased me more.

He laughed again.

“I wish I could see your face right now, must be blushing a lot,” he said, hitting the bull’s eye.

I could sense that he wanted to talk about me leaving for Law of the Jungle but since we had talked plenty about it earlier today at the café, he held back, not wanting to bring up the topic again since it clearly worried and bothered him.

“When will you be back this time?” I asked instead and kicked off the blankets. It had become hot and Jackson’s body temperature didn’t make it better.

“I don’t know. They want me to shoot an ad too while I’m there.”

China was really thirsty for Jackson. They were always so desperate to get him to do promotions and whatnot. If not for our manager refusing it, Jackson would not hesitate even a second.

“Are you going to do it?”

I felt him shrug his shoulders. “Whenever I leave for China, they somehow always get me to stay more than those originally planned four-five days, making me do this and that.”

I heard him sigh. 

“If you don’t want to do it or if it’s hard on you, just say no. It’s not difficult to refuse, Jackson, try it. I mean, I love the hardworking Jackson but more than that, I wish you would take better care of yourself. I’m always worried when you leave because I know that being an MC in a variety show or a player in a game requires a lot of strength and energy.”

He didn’t say anything for quite some time. When I thought he had fallen asleep, he opened his mouth.

“Don’t worry, Yi En. I always take care of myself.”

“Liar. Your problem is that you are stubborn. Even when we practice, you are such an idiot and just keep dancing the same dance for hours.”

He had somehow become sullen. “Well, you are the one who likes this idiot,” he said, rolling to the other side.

I put on a confused tone. “No? I don’t like you.”

“Yah!” I couldn’t see his face but he sounded a little mad and mostly shocked.

Trying to make up for earlier, I wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him in to me so we could lay close again like before. He hesitantly accepted the embrace.

“My feelings reach far more than ‘like’, don’t you know?”

When he still didn’t get it, I sighed and explained further.

“I love you, Jackson. So so so much. That’s why I get angry and worry for you.”

“Is it confession time?” he said jokingly, but I knew he was trying to hide his embarrassment. 

“Just promise me that you will look more after your health. For my sake.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I promise. Then you have to promise me that you won’t miss me too much.”

He kissed my neck.

“That’s an easy promise. I always have fun with the others, even when you aren’t here.”

I laughed as he hit me and for the third time yelled “Yah” at me.

The next day Jackson left for China. We were so used to him leaving like this, that we just said our goodbye’s at the dorm. And us other members had to be in a charity event in an hour so we didn’t even have time to see Jackson off at the airport. I actually wanted to go with him all the way to the airport since I was also nervous for the upcoming Law of the Jungle. And Jackson was clearly also hating the way we parted, judging by the look on his face when we had to cut off our embrace at the sound of knocking on the door, the co-manager picking up Jackson.

I came to regret not seeing Jackson off properly. Because what happened not long after that day, became a life trauma for me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know about this one, guys .. Please tell me what you thought about this chapter :))
> 
> Kudos and comments are always welcomed ^^ They make me happy, hehe


	6. Heart Ache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark just got back from Law of the Jungle only to hear Jackson's in the hospital?

My phone vibrated. I looked down to see the name on the screen. Pressing the green button I put the phone to my ear and answered.

“Hey Jinyoung, I’m on my way. I will be th-“

I got cut off by the voice of a panicking and slightly out of breath Jinyoung.

“Mark? Mark, where are you? Uhm, something has happened. It’s … I can’t explain. Just, uh, tell the driver to head to Seoul National University Hospital, real quick..!”

He was talking in such a fast tempo it was hard to understand him.

Picking up one certain word, I asked “Hospital?” 

I was confused at first but when my brain registered the meaning of the word, the concern immediately kicked in, making me sit up from the seat.

“Why, what’s wrong? Who’s at the hospital, Jinyoung?”

“Don’t ask so many questions and just hurry.”

Jinyoung sounded out of it which was rare. He was always the most composed of us all. So it scared me that he was being this way.

Before I could say anymore, he cut off the connection and I was left with a thousand questions, the worry growing bigger in me. I was imagining all kinds of things. Yugyeom couldn’t have injured himself while practicing one of his extreme dances? Youngjae hadn’t exhausted himself and fainted? BamBam had safely arrived to Korea from his Thailand trip, right?

And Jackson.. I didn’t even want to think of it.

He was alright. He was, right?

My heart was beating like crazy, my hands were unconsciously trembling and my feet were heavy as I approached the secretary desk. She looked up and sent me a smile which I couldn’t bring myself to return.

“How may I help you?”

“Uhm, is there a …”

She waited patiently until I continued.

I had a big lump in my throat and I was sweating. I had to confirm it. I had to know that he wasn’t the one lying on a hospital bed.

“Jackson Wang?”

My voice was almost a whisper and it surprised me to see that she had heard me. Looking down and clicking a few times on the keyboard, she finally looked up again.

“Yes, he’s in room 231 on first floor. It’s the second door to-“

My brain cut off her sentence and I felt the world come crashing down on me.

“No, i-i-it’s not true. He can’t be,” I stuttered.

My knees were shaking and if not for a nurse, I would’ve collapsed right there.

I somehow managed to find my way to the first floor.

My mind was playing worst case scenarios and I was freaking out.

Jinyoung, Jaebum and our manager were sitting on the chairs lined up against the wall. When they saw me, Jinyoung stood up and came towards me.

Grabbing his arms, I looked desperately at him.

“He’s okay, isn’t he? Jinyoung-ah, please tell me Jackson’s fine. I just talked to him yesterday and he was alright. He still is, right?”

He was nodding to my messy rambling.

He caught my hand and said “Mark, calm down first, okay?”

I was speechless at first. How could he expect me to be calm when Jackson was in there in god knew what condition?

“Do not tell me to calm down, Jinyoung! Where is he? I’m going in.” My voice was getting louder at each word. I had only taken one step before Jaebum pulled me away, taking a firm grip on my arm.

“Mark.”

His tone was hard. That one word from him was enough.

I stopped, looking at him and let go of the breath I had held back all this time.

“Listen to me,” Jaebum said, planting his hand on my shoulder and meeting my unfocused eyes.

I was going crazy.

“He’’ll be fine, Mark. But before we explain anything, we need you to sit down and take a deep breath.”

I shrug his hand off and took a step back, showing them that I was in complete control of my emotions. Which was a big lie.

Jinyoung appeared in front of me, wearing a composed expression.

“His manager told us that on his way to the dorm a few fans had tailed the car in which Jackson was in. The other car had crashed into Jackson’s car.”

I felt the fear rising up inside me, my hands started shaking as I listened to Jinyoung’s words.

“Fortunately, nothing big happened. The doctor said that Jackson has a slight backache but he’ll be fine after some rest,” Jinyoung said, finishing the explanation and looking up at Jaebum.

“But he has a schedule after this, doesn’t he?” he asked Jaebum who was leaning towards the wall, fists clenched and a few wrinkles showing on his forehead as he worriedly gazed at the door to room number 231. At the sound of Jinyoung’s voice, he looked up.

“What?”

After Jinyoung repeated the question, he nodded.

“Yeah, he’s scheduled to shoot ‘Flower Bromance’ with Ahn Hyo Seop.”

He sighed, frustratedly running his hand through his hair.

I looked at the two of them. They seemed so calm at first glance but you could clearly see how much this whole situation scared them as it scared me.

“But then why is he..?” I asked, pointing at the door.

Jackson’s Chinese manager who also spoke Korean answered me from the back.

“Well, apparently Jackson’s back was hurting a lot but he wouldn’t say so. We heard him making pained sounds and holding his back so they gave him some morphine at the hospital and he’s asleep now.”

I knew very well the side of him that wouldn’t admit when he was in pain and we had had a lot of problems because of that.

“After the car crashed into ours, Jackson stepped out of the car to check on the passengers of the other car, if they were hurt,” the manager said, shaking his head.

Another sigh from Jaebum sounded in the empty hallway.

I fiddled with my fingers and couldn’t stop my legs from tripping. I felt like vomiting. The anxiety was getting the best of me and I hated it.

At times like these I had to be the hyung and keep things in control. But when it came to Jackson, my mind blacked out and I lost it completely.

Jinyoung cupped my hands and stopped my stressed finger movements.

“Jaebum, talk to our manager. We can’t possibly let Jackson leave for schedule in his current condition. No matter what, Jackson’s not the type of person to show any signs of pain if it isn’t severe,” said Jinyoung.

Jaebum nodded in agreement, not saying much.

“Do the others know?” I asked.

“No, we didn’t want to worry them so we just went straight here.”

“And you’re just back from shooting, too. You must be exhausted yet this kind of thing happens,” Jaebum said, adding a third sigh to it.

I had just finished filming Law of the Jungle yesterday and I’d landed in Korea only this morning.

I suddenly remembered our halfheartedly goodbye’s at the dorm before he had went to the airport and I regretted a whole lot more that we hadn’t taken the time to send him off in a proper way. No one could really blame us because we had a schedule 7 in the morning and had to get up at 5.30. Saying it like that just sounded like a lame excuse now.

I was deep in my thoughts when I suddenly saw a pair of shoes in front of me and looked up to see the doctor.

I stood up immediately and before he could say a word, I cut in.

“Doctor, can I please see him for a moment?”

I couldn’t wait for another minute and I might have come off as disrespectful.

The doctor fixated his gaze at me and gave a short nod, turning to talk to the others.

Not wasting another second, I went to the door. Once I was inside the room, I froze for a moment.

Seeing Jackson in the hospital gown brought back bad memories. I silently scolded Jackson for always ending in a bad situation like this.

This time was not his fault but how come he was struck by bad luck?

I walked over to the bed and sat down on the chair beside him.

His hair was messy but nevertheless, he was looking handsome even while laying there on the hospital bed, drowning in baby blue.

Checking on the other party before worrying about himself definitely sounded like something Jackson would do. He was always reckless, doing things only to satisfy the fans or get loud cheering from them.

Doing those front flips was also lethal to his knee and back.

I reached out for his hand. The IV drop was attached to his skin but other than that he wasn’t wearing anything else like oxygen mask or finger pulse oximeter like the other time.

Hearing a few sounds coming from Jackson, I looked up.

He grimaced and turned his face a bit, breathing out.

“Jackson?” I called in a low and gentle voice, not sure if he was waking up or if he was just showing signs of pain in his sleep.

But he was regaining his consciousness.

Blinking a few times, he finally looked up, trying to get his eyes to focus on me.

“Are you okay?” were the first words that I blurted out with.

He wanted to sit up but stopped halfway.

“Ah, ouch,” was the only thing that came out of his mouth before he lay down again.

“Why are you here, Mark?” he asked, sounding like someone who had caught bad company.

I pulled my hand away from his and sat up straight.

“I told them clearly not to dramatize anything. Yet why did they call you here? Is anybody else with you?”

I wanted to scold him so badly right now. But he didn’t look good and this whole situation was messed up. Me starting one of the arguments we had had so many times wouldn’t make anything better. So I just brushed over his questions and said;

“Are you hurting anywhere beside your back?”

He clicked his tongue and sighed loudly.

“They even told you the whole story. Really..”

“Don’t start with me, Jackson,” I said, pointing a warning finger at him. “This is not about your manager telling us what happened. It’s about your health. Is the pain too much?”

He took a moment to check and then replied “No, it’s not that bad. Only when I turn to the side.”

“Anywhere else?”

He shook his head.

I collapsed on the chair, feeling a bit of the weight setting off from my shoulders.

“You have no idea how much I freaked out when I got the call. I imagined the worst things possible, gosh,” I said, reliving the past few hours.

He stretched his arm and took my hand.

“I’m sorry..”

I let my fingers intertwine with his and said;

“Don’t be, it’s not your fault.”

He gave a small smile.

“Those fans, they’re okay, right?”

Unconsciously, I tightened the grip on his hand.

“Speaking of those fans I’ve always told you to stop being too generous towards them. They’ll only want more. This happened because you are always doing too much for them. What would’ve happened if the accident had been more severe, if you had gotten seriously hurt? I always always tell you to be more careful of your fans. Some of them are crazy.”

I could see on his face that he wanted to defend his fans but he knew I was more right than wrong so he gave up and nodded a bit.

“Do you want me to call Jinyoung or Jaebum in?” I asked and was about to let go of his hand but he held it tightly.

“No, let’s stay together for some more.”

Jackson moved over to the edge and lifted the blanket with the other hand, giving me a few hints with his eyebrows that he wanted me to crawl into the bed beside him.

I shook my head. “We can’t, what if your manager or a nurse comes in?” I said, sending him a scolding look.

“Just a few minutes, please? I haven’t seen you in like ages.”

I laughed at his exaggeration and finally let myself get persuaded.

He smiled triumphal at me as if he’d just won the Olympics and I laughed again as I made myself comfortable beside him. Thankfully, this was a VIP room and the bed was big enough for two.

“Come closer,” Jackson said, his hand grabbing my waist and pulling me so close, I could feel the warmth from his body as if he was naked.

I turned my head towards him.

“You are so hot, are you sure you aren’t coming down with a fever?” I asked, looking worried at him.

He wiped the glittering sweat off his forehead and looked back at me.

“I don’t know. I’ve been feeling both hot and cold today.”

“You have cold sweat. Maybe you went outside right after fitness training?”

His hand flew up to his mouth as he gave me a surprised look, one of those which always made us all laugh. “Oh! How did you know?”

I shook my head at him. “You idiot. Don’t you know that’s common logic, to never walk in windy weather outside when you are sweating?”

Giving me an innocent and slightly apologetic smile, he said “Ups..”

I really wanted to give him a lesson. But I had missed him and his adorableness so instead I let my head fall down on his shoulder and sighed. I was exhausted. My neck hurt from having slept in a wrong position in the plane, my legs were sore after shooting and most of all, I was worried crazy for Jackson.

What was he going to do for the upcoming shooting? Knowing Jackson’s personality, he wouldn’t just be okay with cancelling it. And I wasn’t confident enough that I could persuade him.

Right this moment I just enjoyed his presence.

He let his hand slide into mine and kissed my neck.

“I’m sorry for doing this to you when you have just come back from Law of the Jungle.”

He sounded really apologetic this time. I wanted to lift my head and look him in the eyes before talking. But he was gently massaging my shoulder with one hand and it felt so good I let him continue.

“I told you, don’t be sorry. I’m just a bit tired.”

His other hand moved from my waist to my shoulder as he pressed me down.

“Just lay down, I’ll take care of you this time.”

I was too drained for energy to protest so I just did as told.

In the end I was the one who was lying down while the hospital patient was massaging my neck and shoulders, occasionally bowing down to plant small kisses on my chest and arms.

I giggled when he kissed a ticklish spot on my nape.

“I should be the one taking care of you yet it’s the other way around,” I said, enjoying the way his fingers pressed on the right spots, going in small circles.

“Let me be the one who cares for you for once.”

At that moment someone knocked on the door before coming in.

Jaebum entered and then stopped.

“Who’s the patient in here?” he joked when he saw us.

I was about to get up but Jackson with his surprisingly strong hands pushed me right back down again and then looked complaining at Jaebum.

“Let him! He’s just come back from LOJ,” he said, pronouncing the letters in English.

Jaebum walked to the bed and observed Jackson for a while.

“How are you feeling?”

The worry could clearly be heard in his voice and the wrinkles on his forehead from before hadn’t completely disappeared.

Jackson returned his serious look and said “I’m okay.”

Not trusting his words Jaebum turned his gaze to me. “How is his back, is he still in pain?”

Jackson looked offended for being ignored. But he was waiting for my reply, nervous for some reason.

“Well, his back is still hurting and he has cold sweat,” I said, stating the facts.

Before Jackson could open his mouth to argue against me, I added “And Jackson, why do you never tell the truth?”

“I did! I told you!” His eyebrows were reaching his hair line and his eyes wide open.

“Jaebum is the leader,” I said in the same dramatic way, pointing at Jaebum who just stood there, watching the commotion.

Clapping his hands once Jaebum got our attention. “It’s fine, as long as it’s nothing serious. I’ll let you two alone, then,” he said and was about to turn around when Jackson stopped him.

“Hyung, do the others know? You didn’t tell anyone else, right?”

Jaebum shook his head. “But they will probably find out soon, you know how fast the press is.”

Jackson sighed, his shoulders dropped a bit. 

“Yugyeom will probably freak out,” sounded Jackson’s worried voice.

I didn’t say anything, didn’t comment how much I had freaked out. It was the worst possible news someone could give me; that Jackson was in the hospital.

Jackson slid his hand in mine. I felt his head fall on my shoulder.

“I caused you guys to worry again.”

His voice sounded drained.

“Even after promising you that I would take care of myself…”

Jaebum stepped in, putting his hand on Jackson’s shoulder.

“What matters is that you are okay, Jackson. Don’t think too much.”

Jackson didn’t look near as convinced or okay with that but he gave a small nod and let his body fall down some more.

After Jaebum had left, Jackson closed his eyes and said in a low voice “I hate doing this to you guys.”

“Jackson…” I began but he cut me off.

“Don’t tell me it’s okay, Yi En. How many times has it been that I made Jaebum wrinkle his forehead like that? How many times have I made your hands tremble like that? And now when we get home, everyone’s gonna run around, fidgeting and all because of me. God, I hate myself. All I do is cause problems and worry.”

“Wang Ga Yee,” I said, calling him by his Cantonese name because that always seemed to catch his attention.

“Listen to me.”

Tilting his head up, I made him look me in the eyes before I continued.

“Yes, you worried the hell out of me. And yes, my whole body started shaking at the sight of you on a hospital bed. We all panicked so much because we thought something really bad had happened to you. We were scared, Jia Er.”

The edges of his eyes cringed a little and he clenched his lips at my words.

I lifted his hand to my mouth and pressed my lips on the tips of his fingers, not looking away from his beautiful big eyes.

“And now that we know that you are okay, that the damage isn’t so big, we are so relieved you have no idea. All we need is for you to be safe and sound. That’s enough. So no matter what we’ve been through today, just you being in good health makes up for all of it.”

Pulling our intertwined hands away from me, it was his turn to plant small kisses all over my hand, making me laugh a bit.

“God, you are so good with words, it’s crazy,” he said, giving up on feeling down.

I could only laugh. He was so adorable I wanted to hug him tightly.

He caressed my cheek and gazed at me. I felt his eyes on me but I didn’t look back, afraid that it would start a heat neither of us could cool down and it was too dangerous to do that in here.

Another knock on the door saved me from the looks Jackson was giving me.

Jinyoung stuck his head out and smiled, being totally different from before.

“Jinyoung-ah,” sounded Jackson’s voice at the sight of Jinyoung.

“You two are cuddly,” Jinyoung said with a certain melody to his voice and a small smile on his lips.

At his words Jackson just snuggled more, his hand reaching my waist under the blanket.

“Yeah, he’s really hot,” Jackson winked, implying on both definitions of ‘hot’ and making Jinyoung laugh.

I cut in. “No, but Jackson’s body temperature is too high. Jinyoung, come feel his body,” I waved Jinyoung to the bed.

After checking on his neck and chest, he nodded.

I gave Jinyoung a look and he got the hint.

“Yeah, he’s really burning up. I don’t think it’s a good idea to go to work with your current condition, Jackson,” Jinyoung tried.

We both waited for Jackson’s reply even though we were both very sure what he would say.

“‘Flower Bromance’ is three days away, I’ll be fine till then,” Jackson said as if he was stating a fact.

Jinyoung and I sighed at the obvious answer. We both knew that nothing would be accomplished by pushing Jackson further so instead we just accepted it. It was just Jackson being Jackson, stubborn and reckless. But what could we do?

“Hey, I heard you were almost caught on camera when you were in the jungle bathroom,” Jackson suddenly whispered in my ear.

I bursted out in laughter. Why would he even say that? Gosh, I was so done with his humor. Though I doubted he even thought of it as humor. This was one of those things that Jackson said without trying to be funny. And that was also one of his many charming points.

“What would you do if I was caught on camera?” I whispered back, sincerely curious.

Leaning in some more, he said “I would tell Park Jinyoung PD and then create 200 Weibo and Instagram accounts to report LOJ’s PD-nim.”

I was about to answer him, when Jinyoung suddenly interrupted us. We had almost forgotten he was still in the room and I could slightly see the guilt in Jackson’s eyes when he realized Jinyoung had been an outsider to our conversation, especially since he had come to visit Jackson.

“I don’t think I belong here,” Jinyoung joked.

“No, no, no. Wait, Jinyoung-ah,” Jackson stopped him before he could do anything.

“I just wanted to say thanks.. For coming. And I’m really really really sorry that I made you worry,” sounded Jackson’s sincere confession.

Jinyoung and I both smiled at Jackson.

Once again I wanted to just wrap my arms around his body and squeeze the life out of him. He was too cute, the big brown eyes, the pink puffy lips and his natural hair. He was a heavenly sight, the way he looked right now.

“Don’t apologize, Jackson. I’m just relieved you are okay.”

“Tell the boys at home that I’m alright. Say something to convince them, you know Yugyeom and Youngjae, they always think the worst.”

Jinyoung nodded and came over to the bed to ruffle up Jackson’s hair.

“I will. Both of you need sleep, especially you, Mark,” he said, giving me a strict but worried look.

Turning to me, Jackson said “I’ll put Mark to sleep, don’t worry, Jinyoung-ah.”

Half laughing and half shaking his head at Jackson’s words, Jinyoung repeated “Putting him to sleep..”

After he had closed the door, Jackson yet again made me lie down. His hands began working magic on my shoulders as he talked to me in a soft voice.

“You must be so tired. LOJ was really hard this time, right? I saw on TV. You even cried.. I felt so bad for you, just wanted to run to you and hug you and shower you with kisses. Too bad you were 1.500 kilometers away from me.”

He had a really comfortable voice, especially his English was nice to hear. A bit raspy, a bit melodic and warm.

I wanted to answer him but I slowly felt my body relax, enjoying every bit of the massage he was giving me.

I didn’t know when I fell asleep. All I could hear was the low and soft voice which I loved so dearly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, kinda long chapter this time. It's mainly to make up for the long time I haven't posted but also because I could only end the chapter like that ~  
> Actually, as you might know, this chapter was inspired by the issue of Jackson getting involved in a car accident in year 2016 (I had my opinions and feelings about those saesang fans and how Jackson handled it..)
> 
> Hope you all like it :))
> 
> As always, kudos and comments are very welcome, they always make me happy ^^
> 
> Not prof-read, so sorry for any mistakes
> 
> And also, this fan fiction is my very first so if I'm lacking in any way, please do tell me. Criticism is always good ;)


	7. Your Tears & Fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson's fears, Mark's love and Jinyoung's worry

I woke up after one hour’s sleep, feeling stress-relieved and revived. Jackson was on his phone, his back turned.

I let my chin fall gently on his shoulder. He noticed me and turned around, smiling. He might have thought that I didn’t see it, but I clearly saw how his smile cracked a bit at the pain when he moved his back too quickly.

“You’re up?”

Getting up on one elbow, I looked down on him.

“Jackson..” I called out softly.

I wanted so badly to tell him not to go to work so soon after he had gotten injured. I wanted to lecture him on health and logic. I wanted to tell him how worried I was and how much it hurt me that he hid his pain like that. But Jackson had a strong and persistent personality. He would never agree.

Once again, I gave up without even trying.

Instead I caressed his forehead, pushing his brown locks of hair away from his eyes and looked deeply in them.

“You have such big eyes,” I said, giving him a little smile.

His face lighted up and he smiled that adorable smile of his, the one that made him look like the puppy he always got called.

“So cute,” I laughed and bowed down so our noses slightly touched.

I felt Jackson’s warm hand around my neck as he pulled me closer.

I only had to glance at his lips once before I was taken. I abandoned whatever logic I thought I had had till this moment.

“I really missed you this time, Yi En,” he whispered against my lips, his breath hot and his voice intoxicating.

“You are so dangerous, GaGa,” I whispered back before I broke all the rules.

The kiss was brutal and so intense, I lost my breath and my mind.

He was such a good kisser, was all I could think of as he slowly sucked my lower lip in and made my heart go crazy.

For what seemed like a thousand hours, he wouldn’t let go of my lips. I pulled away for a second to get a breathing pause and gasped “Ga-“ but Jackson who had no mercy on me shut my mouth once again. Going a bit down, he bit a spot on my nape lightly before he returned to my lips, gently pushing his tongue in as if he was waiting for me to reject. When I didn’t, he intruded my mouth and did crazy techniques with his tongue that left me unconsciously whimpering for more.

I wasn’t in my right mind or else I would’ve stopped wherever this was going.

One hand was buried in my hair, the other had found its way under my hoodie. I could feel his hand moving from my chest to my stomach at a dangerous speed. If it hadn’t been for his lips doing an amazing job, I would’ve gasped, probably loudly. Because while his mouth was doing its thing, his hand was getting to places I’d rather not let it get to if we weren’t alone at home.

“GaGa!” I said when I could finally pushed him away a bit, my lungs desperately needing air.

Still not clear in my head, I got a hold of his hand before it could get any further down.

Shocked, I looked down to see that he had already opened the button of my pants.

“Yah, are you crazy?” I scolded him, sounding a bit mad but mostly filled with disbelief.

He duck a bit when he met my eyes but I could spot a little naughty smile in his lips.

“Don’t tell me you wanted to do it here?!”

Still in shock, I shook my head at him and got up from the bed, staying a great distance away from him.

“It’s not that I wanted you- No, I do want you because I haven’t seen you and.. Wait, that’s not the point. Uh..”

Frustrated at the fact that he couldn’t form a sentence, he scratched his hair and looked up, cringing his eyes a bit.

“Okay, I’m sorry.”

He would’ve sounded sincere if not for the little smile he ended his apology with. He did the sexy lip-wetting thing and held out his hand.

“There, I apologized so come back to me.”

I crossed my arms and raised my eyebrows at him, obviously not falling for it.

“No, but do you have to stand so far away? It’s not like I’ll bite.”

“You did and you will do it again,” I stated.

“Why, did it hurt?” he said, playfully. I could see the humor in his eyes.

“Do you enjoy doing this, Jackson? Taking chances like it’s nothing?”

I was being serious and he saw that.

“I’m not talking about sneaking a few touchings here and there or giving each other glances. If I hadn’t stopped you, would you really have gone all the way? Here, in this hospital room where anyone could walk in and expose us? This is about our career, about our lives, Jackson. I know you have your desires but so do I. And music is also one of them. I need it in my life as I need you. Call me selfish but I want you both. I don’t wanna give any of you up. So don’t make me.”

I knew that my words were too harsh but I needed them to be in order for Jackson to understand me.

He was always like this, always wanting more than that little touch.

If one day we let go of everything and just let our desires and lust get the best of us, what would happen then?

I was too scared to even think that thought. But for Jackson, that thought probably didn’t even stay too long in his head. I was his strength but I was also his biggest weakness.

He didn’t argue back, didn’t say a word, just kept his head lowered.

I sighed and walked towards him.

“Jackson, you already know it. Why do I have to tell you over and over?”

When he still wouldn’t say anything, I said “I’m leaving, okay? I’ll be back. Call me if anything happens or if you need anything.”

I sent him a smile which he didn’t see and went out of the room, closing the door silently.

God, I hated the quiet Jackson.

I hadn’t wanted to sound too scolding but he was probably reflecting on his actions right now, most certainly overthinking and regretting. He always did that when he made a mistake.

When I came home, Jinyoung rushed to me, his face still painted with worry.

“How is he? Is he better?”

I passed him and said “No, he isn’t. He’s just faking it.”

Grabbing my arm, Jinyoung’s radar was amazing. “Why? Did you two argue?”

I pulled my arm out and went to my room.

“No, it’s just him being an idiot.”

Taking off my jacket, I opened the closet to hang it, didn’t really want to talk about it but Jinyoung had no intention on ending the conversation and followed me into the room.

Sitting down on the bed, he said “Mark, did you just leave him there alone? After having fought?”

I turned towards him and met his eyes.

“Yeah, I did. Because if I had stayed there a minute longer, god knows what would have happened. He’s always like this, acting on impulse. I’m tired of being the one to control him.”

Jinyoung put his hand on my lap and said “But that’s his personality. Don’t be mad at him and go back. You know how he gets when he’s alone. Remember when we’d had a fight with him and had left for dinner. He’d spent all day overthinking and in the end he hadn’t eaten or slept for two days and ended up collapsing at the photoshoot.”

How could I not remember? I still felt the guilt from that day. Leaving him alone was the worst think we could do after a quarrel. I knew.

Sighing out loud, I said “Yeah, I know. I just … kinda need an hour or two.”

The front door opened and closed and someone dropped a bag on the floor.

Jinyoung and I both got up to see who it was. Jaebum and Youngjae were both visiting their families and BamBam and Yugyeom were eating out.

We went out to see Jackson taking off his shoes.

“Jackson! Why are you home? Did you just-“

Jinyoung got cut off.

“They discharged me, don’t worry.”

I couldn’t help but notice the coldness in his voice as he walked past us.

Jinyoung stopped him as he had stopped me.

“Yah, wait a minute. At least tell me if you’re feeling better,” Jinyoung said, giving him a worried look.

Jackson turned away again.

“I’m fine. Don’t treat me like a princess, I’m not one.”

Jinyoung pulled on his arm. “You are not a princess but a patient and I’m worried about you, you idiot.”

The look in Jackson’s eyes scared me a bit. They were hard and emotionless. It reminded me of that day and that thought alone gave me shivers.

“When are you not worried, Jinyoung? Give me a break, damn it.”

I saw the shock and surprise in Jinyoung’s eyes as he let go of Jackson’s arm.

Jackson didn’t even look back when he walked away.

“Don’t be a jerk to Jinyoung, he hasn’t done anything,” I finally spoke up.

My voice stopped him and he turned around like a tornado.

“Don’t start with me, Tuan Yi En.”

He sounded threatening and I was taken aback. But only for a second.

He had no actual right to be this way, especially not to Jinyoung who had quieted down.

“It’s your own mistake, don’t take it out on others.”

His face now filled with anger. “Why? Is it a mistake to want my boyfriend? Is it a goddamn mistake to just for once not hold myself back because we aren’t at home? I’m so sick and tired of always having to hide my feelings. Do you even know how I feel, Mark?”

I was scared where this conversation was going. So scared that my hands were shaking and I couldn’t say a word, just stood there and listened as he let out his frustration and complaints.

“I feel like crap when I make you guys worry. Why can’t you just pretend to believe me for once when I say I’m okay? It would help on my crappy feelings.”

Now he had triggered me.

“Why are you so hellbent on mentioning that? I told you for god’s sake: We worry because we care. What? You wanted us to just disregard the fact that you’re hurting so much you can’t even move properly? You really wanted us to smile and chat with you as if you hadn’t just been in an accident that could have ended worse? We can’t, god!”

Jinyoung stopped me by putting a calming hand on my shoulder.

I hadn’t realized that I had raised my voice unintentionally. But I was so mad I didn’t even care. He never tried to understand our feelings.

“And about what happened in that room, that was entirely your fault so don’t even begin.”

He looked at me for a couple seconds before he shook his head and turned away.

“What the hell is wrong with you? You come home from the hospital and act like this,” I said after him but he completely ignored me and went into our room.

I thought for a second to follow him but then I changed my mind. It was better for him to cool down.

Looking at Jinyoung I saw that I wasn’t the only one who was confused by Jackson’s behavior.

When I walked in the room Jackson and I shared an hour later I saw him lying on the bed, earphones plugged in his ears and his back turned.

I felt my stomach twist a bit and my heart only hurt a little at the sight.

Whatever was bothering him, it had to be a big deal. He rarely acted this way but when he did, it worried me.

I wanted to call out to him but instead I just changed into a tank top and shorts and went under the blanket.

I could never shake off the feeling of coldness when Jackson wasn’t clinging to me like he always did. It had become a habit and I hated how addicted to him I had become.

It was past 4am when I woke up to a dry throat.

When I realized that Jackson wasn’t in the bed, I panicked.

It wasn’t rare for him to wake up in the middle of the night to watch TV because he couldn’t sleep. But he hadn’t recovered even a bit from the accident.

Feeling worried I went into the living room, expecting him to sit there on the couch. But he was nowhere in the dorm and I was getting more anxious.

Jinyoung was the first person I woke up, shaking his shoulders brutally.

In the end everyone was up, eyes flickering around the dorm as if we would find Jackson behind the fridge or under the bed.

Jaebum had his phone in his hand, ready to call our manager. But BamBam stopped him.

“Wait, what if he’s at the fitness center? You know how hyung always goes there when he is upset.”

We looked at each others, my eyes linking with Jaebum’s.

“His back is hurting, he can’t exercise?” I said, now getting scared for real.

If he really was there, overloading his back like that…

“I’ll go,” Youngjae said, the worry dripping from his voice. We all knew how Jackson became when he was really upset.

But this time it wasn’t Youngjae or any of the other members’ responsibility to go after Jackson. I was very sure that this had something to do with me and Jackson so I put a hand on Youngjae’s arm and shook my head, saying “No, I’ll go after him. Just go to bed, all of you.”

With that being said I put on my jacket and shoes and was at the fitness centre 15 minutes later.

It was a small centre but it was close and convenient which was why Jackson always came here.

Swiping my membership card I opened the door and found one room whose lights were on.

“Jackson?” I said as I opened the door, praying silently that we had guessed his location right.

My heart broke in a thousand pieces when I saw him sitting there in the middle of the room, knees pushed up and arms around them. His head which had been buried and hidden behind his knees, suddenly flew up.

Traces of tears could be seen faintly.

“Jackson!” I said, rushing to his side. I fell on my knees in front of him and reached out for him. But before my hands could reach his face, he turned away.

I saw him wiping his face with the back of his hand before he talked.

“What are you doing here? Do you think I came here to have company?”

I took his hand. “Gaga, baby, tell me what’s wrong. What is it that has you so upset you are crying? I don’t like it, please tell me, hmm?”

Massaging his hand with my thumb, I finally made him look at me.

His eyes were red and the snot was coming out of his nose. I used my sleeve to wipe it away.

“I…” he started. I waited patiently till he could continue as I caressed the back of his neck.

I hated seeing him like this, so helpless and vulnerable, the complete opposite of what he’d seemed like earlier today.

“It’s just.. I thought of what you said. Our relationship, our career. You are right. I know you are. And we probably won’t always be dating, I mean not forever. We can’t. Right?”

His big eyes looked into mine. He seemed to search an answer out of my eyes.

I pulled him closer. “Why not? Why do you think we won’t be together in the future too?”

It’d be a lie if I said his words didn’t hurt. They did. 

“It’s not possible. The media, the public. They will never accept it.”

He was shaking his head and looking down on the floor as if he was possessed by that one thought.

“Jackson..” I said, trying to get to him.

“Don’t do that. Don’t do that thing where you overthink so much, you get to crazy conclusions. Whatever happens in the future, we will deal with it then. Just don’t think that we will break up or anything like that. It hurts me. How could you think I would ever let go of you?”

I tried smiling but he wouldn’t meet my eyes.

“And.. you want a family, don’t you, Mark? A real family. I can’t offer you that. It’s like our relationship is doomed, meant to end one day. And when I think that, my chest hurts so much I can’t breathe. I’m scared, Yi En, I’m so terrified of the thought of a day where you aren’t in my life. How will I live a life without you?”

He was rambling, his whole body was shaking and I had no idea what to do except hold him and rock him from side to side.

The thought of him thinking this way just made me realize more how much he had been suffering without me knowing. The things he had wondered and felt. He was right. I didn’t know how he was feeling all this time.

I held him in my arms for half an hour till he finally calmed down.

“It’s true that I want a family. I do. But more than a family, I want a future with you. I don’t care in which way. No matter what happens, I will always be by your side. Jackson… I will never ever leave you. I love you too much to be able to do that. When you aren’t there my heart is uneasy. I miss you when you are in front of me and love you when you are away. These feelings I feel, I can’t guarantee that I will also feel them in the future. But trust me when I say that I can’t imagine my life without you. So don’t you ever dare think that we will break up. I won’t let that happen.”

He looked calm but his hand was still clenching my shirt tightly.

“Don’t go, Yi En, just stay with me. Always.”

“Where can I go when you are my home and my paradise?”

He let his head slide down my chest until it landed on my lap.

I smiled.

“You wanna sleep here?”

He had closed his eyes. “Just for a minute. My back hurts. I did a foolish thing before.”

I let my finger graze his nose. “Did you overload your back?”

He nodded. “Yeah.. And now it’s hurting.”

Grabbing him gently by the nose I said scoldingly “I knew it. You are such an idiot.”

He didn’t even defend himself this time.

My phone suddenly rang. It was Jaebum.

“Who is calling? Jinyoung?” Jackson asked, his eyes still closed.

I didn’t answer the call but instead I said “Let’s go back, Jackson. Your back is aching and it will worsen if you sleep on this cold and hard floor. Come on.”

I helped him get up. He let out a pained moan which made me worry.

“I owe Jinyoung an apology..” Jackson said as he walked in front of me, holding his back with one hand.

“Even though you did treat him badly, I’m sure he understands you were upset at that time,” I said and let him lean on me.

“No, but I shouldn’t have been like that towards him. He’s always worrying so much and he doesn’t deserve any of that crap I pulled off.”

Suddenly turning towards me, he pointed at me. “See, this is the power you have over me.”

I pushed him gently away, being considerate towards his injury.

“Yah, you’re the one who’s always overthinking, don’t blame me for your bad habits.”

He was holding my hand tightly.

“Don’t tell the others that my back is hurting..”

I didn’t say anything, just focused on supporting him as we walked back to the dorm.

They hadn’t gone to sleep as I had told them to. Instead they were all waiting in front of the door as soon as we opened it.

Jackson lowered his head when we came in.

Yugyeom, BamBam and Youngjae immediately came to group hug Jackson.

“Jackson! Are you okay? Where were you? God, we were so worried,” they said and hugged him. 

Jaebum pulled him in and stroke the back of his neck as he said “You punk, don’t just leave the dorm like that.”

Jinyoung sent him a gentle smile. “Are you feeling okay?”

I saw how Jackson looked away, couldn’t meet Jinyoung’s eyes when he said “I’m sorry.. for earlier. I’m always thankful that you are worrying about me and yet I said such a thing.”

Jinyoung smiled widely and wrapped his arms around Jackson.

“I know you didn’t mean any of it. Just don’t hold it in when you are bothered by something. You know you can always count on me. I’m always there for you.”

I was looking at it all from a distance. When I saw Jackson brighten up, the relief was indescribably big.

While they all hugged him a second time, I felt Jackson’s hand on mine.

He was reaching out his arm and had grabbed a hold of my hand as they literally squeezed the life out of him.

“Ah, ah, ah,” Jackson moaned when they unintentionally pressed on his back too much.

They immediately let go of him and watched him worriedly.

Taking us all by surprise, Jackson suddenly jumped on me.

“I’m kidding, I just wanted to go over to Mark hyung ~”

He smiled and put out his tongue like a child who had just claimed back a toy from his classmate.

I shook my head but then whispered in his ear “Stop lying, I know they actually did hurt your back in that hug just know.”

Rolling his eyes at me, he said “Don’t you dare tell them that, Tuan Yi En.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one had more angst than the previous one, I'm so bad at writing chapters with angst, sorry ~
> 
> Turned out okay, I guess. Not satisfied with the ending..
> 
> Anyway, leave a comment and kudos :)) Would make my day completely ^^
> 
> Sorry for spelling errors, please tell me if you find some :p


	8. Trauma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Worried Jinyoung and Mark's trauma

Jackson and I were lying on the bed, facing each other. My eyes were droopy and my body sore. It had been physically hard for me in the five days we’d filmed Law of the Jungle.

“Yi En..” Jackson started, drawing circles on my neck.

I hummed.

“I did mean my words back there..”

I looked at him. “What?”

His eyes went up to meet mine, the light casting a shadow over his long eyelashes.

“About us not being able to be too touchy in public. You know I hate that.. I really want to show you to the world, tell them that you’re mine. That you only love me.”

I smiled, my eyes half-closed.

“Stupid, that’s not necessary.”

I threw my arm over his waist and he moved closer. He lowered his head so it touched my chest as he played with the hem of my tank top.

“Don’t go anywhere, Tuan Yi En. Never leave me.”

I chuckled. “What’s gotten in to you, today? Why are you so paranoid? I’m not going anywhere and definitely not from you.”

I caressed his back and planted a light kiss on his forehead.

“Don’t overthink, Jia Er. That’s the only thing I want from you. You make me and Jinyoung afraid when you overthink like this.”

He raised his head. “When have you and Jinyoung become that close?”

I laughed once again. “God, you are so possessive.”

He answered by tightening his grip around my neck and I tried to worm my way out of his hand.

“Yah, you’re strangling me.”

He suddenly pulled down on my tank top and pressed his lips on my chest, leaving a red mark behind.

“Ah, really, I’m gonna kick your ass,” I said, trying to control my anger since the others were sleeping. But I felt my ears turn a bit red.

He looked back at me, showing big innocent eyes as if he hadn’t just attacked me.

“What? It’s not like you’re gonna show your chest to the fans. I’m not gonna let you. You did that at our concert once. And the fans went crazy, I really didn’t like that.”

Hiding a yawn, I sighed. “Jackson-ah.. You’ve walked shirtless more times than I can count. So why is it such a big deal when I do it? And it’s not like I stripped half-naked like you. I just pulled my shirt up for like a second.”

He blowed down my shirt and I pulled away. “Ai, really.”

“But you’re pure! You don’t do that kind of thing,” continued Jackson, unable to let go of the topic.

I was really tired and if Jackson didn’t talk for a second, I would probably fall asleep.

“I’m not pure, Jackson. Being with you has changed me.”

Even my voice sounded drained but he didn’t seem to notice it.

“Why? Have you become more naughty?” he said in a teasing way and I smiled despite being exhausted.

He inched closer again and put his strong arms around me.

“Go to sleep, GaGa,” I said, having difficulties keeping my eyes open.

“Yeah, night, Yi En," he said, smiling.

I smiled back softly and reached over to turn off the lamp light, leaving us in pitch black darkness.

 

The morning came way too quickly. The loud voices from the kitchen woke me up and I sighed, a bit annoyed.

“We can’t risk it, Jackson,” I heard Jinyoung saying, sounding distressed.

I swung my legs over the edge and stood up to go see what the ruckus was about so early in the morning.

Jinyoung, Jackson and Jaebum were standing in the kitchen, Jackson with arms crossed as he stood resolute to Jinyoung who had his hands on each side of the waist.

“What’s this about, Jackson?” I asked, rubbing my eyes.

He turned away, clearly mad.

“It’s Jinyoung, being overprotective as always. I thought I told you all clearly, I’m not cancelling my schedule. My back is fine and it’s not like we can just cancel this schedule.”

Youngjae came in with a cup of coffee in his hand, looking from Jackson to Jinyoung.

“Jackson hyung, you gotta put your health first. I agree with Jinyoung hyung, it’s not a good idea for you to go to work right now in your condition. Just take a few days’ rest.”

Jackson shook his head. “I’m so tired of discussing this with you guys.”

I gazed at Jinyoung, slightly shaking my head but he didn’t see it. Instead he looked at Jackson and said;

“Why can’t you also take our feelings into consideration, Jackson? It’s not for no reason that Mark feels like he worries more about your health than yourself.”

That made Jackson turn his head towards me.

I duck when he met my eyes. “It’s not like that, Jackson,” I tried to explain but he had already concluded by himself.

Turning away, he went around the counter and filled a glass of water.

It was awfully quiet as he gulped down the water.

Jaebum grabbed Jinyoung’s arm, whispering something to him but Jinyoung shook him off and went to his room, shaking his head on the way.

I looked at Jaebum, trying to get a solution from him but he was as insecure as I was.

Jackson finally opened his mouth after having put the glass down.

“I’m going to my schedule. Don’t fight me on this.”

He walked past me but I caught his wrist.

“Jackson, don’t be mad,” I said softly.

He stopped to look at me. “I’m not mad. Just please try to explain to Jinyoung. Tell him that after this schedule I’ll take a couple of days’ rest if I get permission to.”

He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. “Good morning, by the way,” he smiled a bit as he released his hand from my grip.

I stood there for a few seconds, mumbling “What a good morning, indeed..”

Knocking once on Jinyoung’s door, I walked in.

He was sitting on the floor, folding the new washed clothes. When he saw me, he raised his head only to look down again the next second.

“What’s Jackson making you say to me?” he said as he tried to find matching socks.

I sighed. “He’s not making me say anything. But you know how stubborn he is. Why do you bother trying? It just ends in a fight and you both get moody all day.”

“Yeah, I need to stop doing that. But he’s such an idiot. God, I’m going crazy. One day I’m gonna kill him.”

I hit his leg. “Yah, don’t insult my boyfriend. No matter how stupid he is, I’m the only one who’s allowed to curse at him.”

He looked at me for a second. Then he burst into laughter, for once not covering his mouth.

He really looked handsome when he laughed so widely.

I helped him with the rest of the clothes.

“Hey..” Jinyoung started.

“Hmm?”

“Yesterday when Jackson came home from the hospital..”

I slightly shivered at that one sentence from him.

I hated when we fought, it was the worst. But yesterday had really felt like…

“You were scared, weren’t you? That things would get to that point where he would ask that question again?” Jinyoung continued, not being as merciful as I had thought him to be.

I nodded slowly, concentrating on folding a red t-shirt.

“Truth be told, I was terrified. The only time Jackson asked to break up was when that happened.”

I didn’t even need to say anymore. We all knew about that episode. The trauma still lingered in my memory.

That time Jackson had gotten really drunk. A girl at the bar who had probably also been a fan, had taken advantage of that and kissed him. Not being in his right mind, Jackson had kissed back. The next morning when he remembered, he’d been devastated and freaked out.

I still remembered the feelings I’d felt when he told me what had happened.

It wasn’t jealousy or anger. Just the feeling of sadness and my heart breaking. I couldn’t even shed tears that night. The pain had been enormous.

Seeing how he’d hurt me deeply, Jackson only saw break-up as the only solution.

I closed my eyes for a couple of seconds, getting rid of the image of Jackson’s face from that night. Instead I said;

“But you know, Jackson’s the same, he’s also really scared of us breaking up. He’s been thinking crazy thoughts lately, I didn’t have any idea and I feel so guilty.”

Jinyoung squeezed my shoulder with one hand.

“Don’t worry, we’ll die together because he will be the death of us both.”

I laughed, totally agreeing.

“Markeu, where’s my grey pants?” Jackson shouted from our room.

“There’s your cue,” said Jinyoung.

I stood up but before I walked out, I turned to Jinyoung and said;

“Oh and by the way, Jackson said he’s going to take a little break after this schedule.”

“He better. Or I’m gonna handcuff him to the bed.”

I chuckled as I left his room.

Jackson was searching everywhere for those pants.

“It’s right here,” I said to Jackson as I reached over his head in the top cabinet and pulled out the pants he was looking for.

“Yah, did you have to show off your height there?” Jackson asked, sounding dramatic on purpose.

I laughed and was about to turn away to grab my phone but he wrapped his arms around my waist, making it impossible for me to move.

“Give me some attention, Yi En.”

I looked down on him. He stuck out his lips out in a pout.

Only having gotten three hours of sleep, I wasn’t exactly in the most energetic mood. Handling Jackson’s many demands was already a daily routine.

But still, I gave him a soft smile and bending a bit over, I pressed my lips against his.

I could feel his satisfactory smile when I kissed him.

Before I could pull away, he grabbed my collar and stood on toes.

The kiss this time was deeper and more passionate, feeling completely different than the one we’d shared in the hospital room not long ago. This was more… sweet and gentle. I could feel his love through the kiss and that warmed my heart.

When he let go of my lips, he opened his eyes, staring directly into mine as he breathed against my chin.

I couldn’t help but smile. He was adorably sexy.

“How is it possible for you to look so cute when you can kiss like that?” I asked, touching his neck.

He sent me a crooked smile. “Why, do you like my kissing techniques?”

I rolled my eyes at him and untangled myself from his embrace.

“I need to use the bathroom,” I said as an excuse to avoid anymore lustful demands from him.

“Do you need to jerk off?” he shouted from the other side of the door, loud enough for the whole dorm to hear him.

“I’m gonna kill you, Jackson,” I shouted back as I cupped my hand under the water tap. I felt my ears turn red and the blood rush to my face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter became a 50/50. Not to my satisfaction but I have no idea what to edit, so sorry if you don't like it ^^
> 
> I was kinda stuck in my writer's block so this is what I ended up with :')
> 
> Not prof-read so please notify me if there's any spelling errors :))
> 
> Kudos and comments are as always warmly welcomed :p


	9. My Only Comfort & Prayer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a chapter filled with Markson being adorable  
> WARNING, CUTENESS OVERLOAD

The next morning Jackson stood up to go to his filming. Both Jinyoung and I hadn’t been able to sleep so we were the only ones who sent him off 5 in the morning.

Jackson looked at me, his eyes puffy and his lips dry.

“If the pain gets too much, don’t hold it in, tell the staff. It’s not a live recording so taking a break will be okay,” Jinyoung said, passing Jackson a bottle of water and a sandwich.

“And remember to eat this on your way home, it’s gonna get late when you finish filming,” he continued.

Jackson nodded and took what Jinyoung gave him.

“Thanks, Jinyoung-ah. I’ll be sure to eat it.”

Jinyoung looked at him a second longer before he patted him on the shoulder and went to sleep a bit longer before our photoshoot later.

Jackson turned to me, putting his hands on my waist as he raised his head, making one of those kissing face only he could do.

I smiled at his silliness and pinched his nose lightly, making him laugh.

“Take care of yourself, Jia Er. Don’t overdo it.”

He gave me a soft smile as he leaned in to kiss me on my forehead.

“I won’t. So please don’t worry. Do well on your photoshoot.”

Giving me a tight hug before he put his shoes on, he waved and blinked.

I sighed when he’d left, knowing I was gonna do exactly what he’d told me not to.

The rest of the day just kind of passed by, my heart filled with anxiousness for how Jackson was doing.

When he finally came home past midnight, I was out of my bed immediately.

He looked exhausted, the sweat shining on his forehead and trickling down his neck.

He stood for a moment in the hallway, his purse dropping to the floor. He was gasping for air and I could see the pain written in his face.

I wasn’t sure what to expect but my first instinct was to run to him which I did.

He nearly collapsed in my arms.

“Jackson,” I said as I caught him.

“Ah, you’re awake?” he said as he tried to lift himself up.

“I couldn’t sleep, come on.”

He was pretending he was fine, trying to make it look as if he didn’t need my help even though we both knew how dependent he was on me at this moment.

“Did it get worse?” I asked as we reached the bed. He sat down with a sigh.

“I feel like my back’s gonna break,” he said, holding it with his hand.

“Let’s get you in bed.”

I gently took off his jacket and then I helped him get under the blankets.

He was out of breath with only doing that.

“Come here, GaGa,” I said, giving him a smile despite my mind being crazy worried at this moment.

He didn’t hesitate to come closer, letting his head rest on my arm as he sighed out.

“Ah, this is what I needed.”

I caressed his arm.

“Did you tell Ahn Hyo Seop that you’re in pain so that he wouldn’t make you do something too rough?”

I felt him shake his head. “No, filming started the second we saw each other. But we just walked around all day. Except we sat in a car in one hour. That’s probably what worsened the pain.”

"Baby.." was the only thing I could say, unable to take my eyes off him.

He had closed his eyes but a smile slowly appeared on his dry lips.

"You always call me that when you are really worried."

His hand found mine and he intertwined them, still smiling vaguely.

“I’ll ask our manager to give you a week's rest," I said, carefully.

He hummed.

He rolled to the side and shivered a bit.

“I’m cold, can you hold me a bit, Yi En?”

I didn’t hesitate for a second. Putting my arms around him, I pulled him closer to me gently to not hurt his back.

I couldn’t help but notice how his body was firing up despite him saying he was cold.

“Mhm..” he sighed out in a comfortable tone.

I buried my face in between his neck and shoulder and planted a little kiss here and there while whispering in his ear how much I loved him.

I was truly willing to die for this man and that thought scared me a bit.

“Love you … so much” said Jackson, his voice half asleep.

I smiled like an idiot long after he had said it.

A couple minutes later I heard his stable breathing and felt relieved when I saw that he had fallen asleep.

“Me too, Gaga. Let me be the only one who can calm your racing heart. The only one who can bring out your dazzling smile and the only one to hold you like this,” I whispered back, tightening my grip around him as if he would fly away if I didn’t hold on to him.

That night I slept better than I had in days.

 

We had to perform on stage three days later.

Jackson had gotten permission to stay a few days at home and not go to schedules which relieved both Jinyoung and I but Jaebum was worried it would affect Jackson. He sometimes got moody when we went off somewhere without him.

Knowing it was for his best, Jackson assured Jaebum that he would be fine at home and that he would just watch our live performance on TV.

First rehearsal of our comeback song went smoothly but it was tough and I was out of breath at the end of the day when we finally finished off the live performance.

Jackson was asleep when we came home. He had tugged in his knees and curled up on the bed without a blanket.

Carefully I pulled it over him as I smiled.

“Goodnight, GaGa.”

When it was finally time for me to go to bed, I slid under the blanket next to him and prayed that he didn’t wake up because once he was up, he would probably cling to me until he got attention.

But we did somehow end up completely entangled. Though I enjoyed the warmness of his body.

 

He was up early the next morning, still lying in bed with his phone. I didn’t have to see to know that he was scrolling down the tons of comments on his recent selfie, looking for negative comments among them.

“Don’t do that, Jia Er,” I said as I took his phone from him and made him look at me.

“Do what?”

I rolled my eyes at him. “You really think I don’t know what you’re doing on that comment section? I watch your interviews, you know.”

Looking back at me, he put up a surprised front.

“Wow, you understand my Mandarin interviews?”

I put his phone away and said “Don’t change subject.”

Breathing out a sigh, he inched closer to me. “I know but it’s just a bad habit. I can’t do anything about it.”

I pecked his cheek. “Try not to look at the comments at all. Though you are loved by your fans, GaGa.”

Swinging my legs over the edge, I stood up and stretched a bit.

“Don’t you guys have a rehearsal today?” he asked, his hand still on the side of the bed where I had been two seconds ago as he looked at me, already missing me.

I smiled.

Today I really wanted to spend it with him. I missed holding him in my arms and cuddling with him. And his messy hair didn’t make it better for my desire.

Giving him a nod, I walked out of the room and sent a text to my manager.

Two minutes later the reply came and good news was about to overwhelm Jackson.

I knew Jackson would stay in bed for another thirty minutes. He usually did on those days off he rarely had.

I told Jaebum about it and when they were off to the studio to practice, I quickly prepared breakfast.

Jackson had taken his phone again.

When he saw me, he sat up immediately.

“Yi En, what-“

I gave him a bright smile. “What what? I got permission to stay home today. The others have already gone out.”

He looked so surprised but it was quickly replaced with smiles. He started jumping on the bed and it made me laugh.

“We’ve barely spent time recently. So today you have my full attention.”

His lips went down in something that looked like a pout but I knew it was his way of showing he was happy. Stretching his arms towards me, he hinted that he wanted a hug.

I put down the breakfast tray on the night table and let myself be embraced by his strong muscular arms.

“Yi En..” He really looked like he was in tears and I couldn’t help but chuckle.

When we pulled away, I stroke his cheek and smiled at him gently.

“I’m sorry I haven’t had time for you even though you are partly at fault yourself for getting sick not long ago.”

He wrapped his arms around me again.

“Thanks for doing this,” he whispered in my ear and planted a light kiss on my neck, knowing how I didn’t want any kiss marks because of public eyes.

“Alright, let’s eat breakfast and then watch some TV,” I said in Chinese.

He was awfully quiet considering the fact that he would have me for himself all day today. Looking a bit worried, I snaked my arm around his waist and pulled him closer to me on the couch.

“Something wrong, GaGa?” I said as I looked down on him.

Not turning to look at me, he let his head fall on my shoulder.

“No, it’s just …”

He was hesitating. I gently squeezed his hand which was holding mine.

“If you’re not ready to tell me, it’s okay.”

Shaking his head once he started talking.

“When you talk in that mix of Mandarin and Taiwanese, I kinda remember my parents. And then I miss them.”

I looked at him, knowing full well how much he yearned for his mother sometimes. No matter how comfortable he felt with me, it would never compare to the comfort of a mother. I knew that personally.

Leaning in, I kissed him softly on the lips.

“I know, baby. Maybe you’ll have some time to visit them next time you’re in China,” I said, looking at his wrinkled eyebrows.

I saw how he cheered up, but only a bit.

I turned towards the TV and said “It’s been so long since we did this, I almost feel like this is our first date.”

That made him sit up. “Right, do you know how nervous I was when we first had our real date? My legs were shaking and I accidentally spoke in Cantonese,” he said, laughing that loud hyena laugh that I treasured so much.

I smiled when I remembered. “I thought that was adorable, though I didn’t understand a word. What did you actually say in Cantonese?”

He was still laughing when he said “I just asked ‘Can you pass me the salt?’”

He seemed like he was enjoying looking back on the past and I was relieved that he wasn’t sad or homesick anymore.

I could only watch as he smiled and once again put his head on my shoulder.

“I loved you so much already then,” he said, giving out a light sigh.

I caressed his hand but didn’t say anything.

“You know, I’d had feelings for you for more than one year before I could finally confess. I didn’t care how things would go, I just needed to express my feelings at that time.”

I hummed, taking in his words. I remembered how he’d casually said ‘I like you’, not asking if I wanted to date him, simply saying his feelings for me. It’d be a lie if I said that I hadn’t also been crazy in love with him when he confessed.

“No but it’s really fate. How can two people like each other at the same time? Imagine, if I had confessed but you didn’t feel the same,” he continued.

Turning my head a bit so I could kiss his temple, I said “To be honest, it’s a wonder to me why not everyone has fallen for you. It’s so hard to resist you.”

That made him look up, smiling cheesy.

“Which part of me is irresistible?”

I smiled too, giving him a hopeless look because his question was so him.

“The part of you that loves me,” I said, teasingly.

“How am I when I’m love with you?”

I thought for a moment before I answered; “You are more honest when you’re with me. Honest and so very cute,” I admitted. “Oh, and you are also such little kid around me.”

He smiled a bit. “You spoil me way too much, Yi En, it’s addictive.”

Squeezing him tight and pulling him in, I said in a soft tone “I spoil you because I love you so much.”

I felt his strong arms around my waist and the scent of his hair touched my nose, making me sniff him in.

He giggled. “Did you just sniff in my scent?”

I wanted to deny it but the TV’s brightness clearly showed my blushed cheeks and it made him chuckle.

“So cute,” he commented as he slid down until his head was resting on my lap.

“You really like my lap, don’t you?” I said, smiling down to him as I brushed a lock of hair away from his eyes. They were glittering to the light coming from the TV, enhancing the beauty in them.

He looked up, his eyelashes throwing a vague shade on his eyelids.

“Sometimes I wonder what would happen to me if you weren’t by my side,” he mumbled, still looking in my eyes.

I stroke his cheek and sent him a soft look.

“That’s never gonna happen. I can’t do without you, sseunie.”

His expression melted when I called him ‘sseunie’ and he turned away.

“You always catch me off guard when you call me that..”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his adorableness as I ruffled up his hair.

“There’s not much difference, the others call you ‘sseunah’ sometimes.”

Still covering his face in between my thighs, she shook his head.

“That’s not at all the same. Besides, the way you say it sounds so much more … shimkoong,” he said in the end when he couldn’t find another word for it.

“Does it make your heart race?” I teased him as I tried to make him look at me.

“Stop it, Yi En…” I heard him say in a low voice, breathing into my leg.

I held his face in my hands and made him raise his head.

“How are you so cute, GaGa?” I chuckled.

The second I was about to kiss him, the door went up and the sound of Yugyeom and BamBam laughing way too loudly filled the dorm.

“Why am I not surprised?” Jackson said, rolling with his eyes as he sat up.

“You guys are back early,” I said, making my tone as casual as I tried my best to not show them how disappointed I was. I had barely gotten two hours with Jackson.

“Ah, our choreographer is sick so we had to cancel rehearsal today,” Jaebum answered, putting down his sports bag.

Behind him Youngjae yawned and mumbled something before he went to his room. Jinyoung had filming today so he went out again.

I turned to Jackson to give him a soft smile. 

“Just go to the room, I’ll come soon.”

Despite being a bit moody over the interruption, he did as I had told him to and went sloppily past Jaebum after greeting him with a pat on the shoulder.

After he’d gone, Jaebum turned towards me.

“Sorry, I ended up cutting in on your little date.”

Though I was a bit sad that Jackson hadn’t gotten what I had promised him, I told Jaebum it was fine.

I was sure that we’d get to do this again, maybe not in the near future with our promotions but soon, hopefully.

Going into the room, Jackson was hugging one of his turtles while he had his phone in his hand, doing the exact same thing I’d told him not to.

“Yah, I’m seriously gonna kill you, Wang Jia Er,” I said as I approached him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so sorry for the late update! I started uni and it was a tough beginning, still is. But I managed to write this one, hope you all like it ~  
> As always, I'd love kudos and comments  
> PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO WRITE ABOUT NEXT! I need concepts and ideas ;)


	10. Tragedy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah, my heart hurts..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'd like to express my deepest condolences to Jackson and his family. May his grandfather rest in peace.  
> Second of all, I apologize a million times because I feel like I had no right to write about this. If you find this wrong like I do, please write it in the comments and I'll delete this chapter immediately.  
> Third of all, the update on this work is soooo late, I am so sorry!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter because I didn't enjoy writing it. My heart hurts for Jackson and his family. How he must have been in pain while having to do promotions.. My baby is always getting hurt, no matter how. My heart is truly bleeding for you at this moment, Jackson. Nothing I say can do anything to heal your pain quicker. But please take good care of yourself AND DON'T OVERTHINK IT.  
> I love you from the bottom of my heart.

It was bad. Just really bad. Right from the moment the alarm rang its high and annoying sound to when we were in the car on our way to our schedule.

Falling down from the bed, Jackson moaned, half in pain and half asleep, cursing.

I woke up to his many ouch’s, he was talking rather loudly.

“Damn it, we need to put those barriers up, I keep falling out from the bed,” Jackson said, his head appearing behind the edge of the bed.

I sat up and pressed the snooze button, was about to go to sleep for another 10 minutes but Jackson kept going on.

“I hurt my wrist, can you take a look for me?”

He was now fully awake, I wasn’t and I just wanted to put in my ear plugs and continue my sleep. But upon hearing him say that, I sighed and got up.

He had put his lower lip forward in a putting expression and looked at me with those big brown puppy eyes as he held out his wrist.

“How old are you, geez,” I said, taking his hand.

He was right, though. The side of his wrist was already turning a mix of blue, purple and green.

“You idiot,” I said and went to get a bandage.

An hour later we were all getting ready to leave. Jackson’s wrist still getting worse and hurting more. He wasn’t whining like before, instead I saw his pained expression a couple of times.

In the car on our way to our schedule, BamBam realized he had forgotten his phone because his hair hadn’t cooperated with him today so he had used all his time on that and just in time had gotten out of the house.

Jinyoung’s right ear was hurting again though he didn’t say a word about it.

Seeing my members each struggling with their problems, it made me realize how hard we had it. Not to mention how our company didn’t give us enough attention. These days we were happy even with those few schedules a week. 

I looked at Jackson who was sleeping in the seat next to me, his hand holding his other hand, supporting the weight of his wrist. As if it wasn’t enough that he had overloaded his hand not long ago. He was just so unlucky.

These days he was missing his parents a lot, I felt the same longing and pain. 

The familiar soft ringtone of Jackson’s phone sounded. I was about to wake him up but he must have known the second it rang. It was the ringtone of his parents calling.

“Mama?” he answered immediately, his eyes shining and his voice sounding so happy.

He nodded a couple of times so his bangs jumped. But it didn’t take him a minute before his expression completely changed and his mouth stood open.

First his hands began shaking, then his whole body and when the phone fell out of his hand, I grabbed his arm.

“Jackson? What’s wrong? Hey, what did you hear?”

He wouldn’t respond and his mouth had widened.

The moment his breathing became funny, I knew something was wrong.

Shaking him stronger than before, I got desperate. “Snap out of it, Wang Jia Er!”

From the front, Jaebum turned around.

Maybe because he heard me even though he had fallen asleep the moment he sat in the car.

“Jackson, what is it?” he asked but Jackson’s eyes were wandering everywhere else but at us.

Opening his trembling lips, he could only whisper a few words. “Stop the car, please..”

Jaebum immediately asked our driver to stop the car and when Jackson got out, I did too.

Breathing in and out, he bowed down, holding on to his knees.

“Make sure he doesn’t get another panic attack,” Jaebum said from the opening of the car. Massaging Jackson’s arms from up to down, I tried to do my best to let him know I was at his side.

“Breathe, Jackson, focus on your breathing first.”

I couldn’t see his face and I didn’t know how serious it was until I saw the streams of tears running down his cheeks.

“I wasn’t there for him. I told him I would visit this week but I didn’t and now it’s too late and he’ll never know that-“

“Wang Jia Er.”

I touched him lightly on the shoulder, afraid he’d push me away because he looked like he was freaking out and didn’t want to be calmed down. But all he did was raise his head and look me in the eyes with eyes so lost of hope that it broke my heart at that moment. The tears were flowing like a stream down his cheeks.

I was scared, what could I do? Whenever Jackson got hurt or upset, all I could do was give him empty words, massaging his arms like this or just looking at him like I was at this moment. I was of no help to him and I hated myself for that.

“Yi En .. My grandfather he-“

His voice broke and he broke down with it, almost falling to the ground if not for me. It took a minute or two to understand what he was trying to say. And when I got it, my heart dropped as I struggled to keep him up. My arms became weak and I needed some time to pull myself together.

We all had been told by Jackson that his grandfather’s condition had been weak for a while now. So this wasn’t a surprise really. Still, it hit me and it must have hit Jackson hard too and we weren’t prepared anyway. 

I was trying to imagine Jackson’s pain at this moment but I couldn’t. It wasn’t just because he had a very very close relationship with his grandparents. But knowing Jackson, what hurt the most was probably the fact that he hadn’t been by his side when it happened.

He was hiccuping and clinging to my jacket.

I pulled him into my embrace when I heard Jaebum make his way to us, not wanting him to see Jackson’s crying face.

“You guys, what’s going on?”

Jaebum appeared from behind but when he saw Jackson’s face covered in my jacket, he suddenly became more alert, his eyes shotting up.

“Jackson?” He reached out for Jackson, the level of worry in his voice rising up very fast. But I put a hand on his arm and shook my head.

“Not right now, Jaebum.”

Jaebum looked at me as if I had just cursed him in the face. “What the hell, Mark? I need to know. It’s fine you guys are a couple and all but some secrets are better if they are shared, especially if they affect our schedule.”

I looked back at him, somehow feeling like he was behaving differently from usual. He was more short-tempered right now.

I was about to answer him but I stopped when I heard a very mushy and weak voice whispering “Please stop..”

Jackson was about to pull away from me but I didn’t let him get far.

“It’s not really a secret but my mom just called me to say … uh that my grandfather-“

I stopped him. He was talking in Chinese and Jaebum understood nothing. Jackson was obviously not thinking straight and I really hated myself for having to translate it because it was the worst news and Jackson was in my arms on the verge of collapsing.

When Jaebum heard my words, his expression softened and like me he didn’t know how to react. All he ended up doing was expressing his condolences and touch Jackson gently on the shoulder before he went back to the car.

I stood for a moment with Jackson and wiped away his tears.

“GaGa, what do you want? Should we go home or?”

He took my hands and placed them on his cheeks, then he closed his eyes and sighed out.

He finally spoke out after a while as if he had gathered all his courage to say those words. “I’ll try..”

I guided him back to the car and made him sit as close to me as possible. He had intertwined our fingers but it felt like he was crushing my fingers. Then he put his head on my shoulder and closed his eyes as if he was getting ready to sleep but we both knew that his mind would wander and when that happened, all the absurd and crazy thoughts would overwhelm him leading him to stress and sometimes even depression. It was that dangerous to overthink and that was always why Jinyoung and I tried to make Jackson stop doing it.

I actually really wanted to tell the driver to turn around, give Jackson some sleeping pills and make him sleep this pain he was feeling at this moment. But I also knew that he would hurt a lot more later. Right now he was more in shock than anything else.

I did the only thing I could do for him. I tried to make him listen to my voice.

“Jia Er, focus on my words and only on me, okay?”

When I felt his very weak nod, I started talking. It didn’t matter what I talked about. Even though he had heard it a million times before I told him about how I had felt when we first met, how my feelings had developed, how it had been to visit his parents for the first time and so on. It used to help him focus on my voice and away from the train of thoughts in his brain. 

I was about to breathe out when I heard his steady breathing and looked down to see that he had fallen asleep. But then the car stopped and Jaebum turned around to say that we had arrived.

So I had to wake Jackson.

We had to rehearse for our music performance later that afternoon.

Even though this was our last promotion and it was important to make an effort, I couldn’t help but look at that one person among us.

Jackson was doing good. He wasn’t about to collapse and he heard most of what was said to him.

I had told the others why Jackson was behaving as he was and Jinyoung had immediately gone to check up on Jackson. Yugyeom had come to me to ask about Jackson but I hadn’t known what to tell him except “Give him time.”

While testing the individual stage uprise Jackson was about to walk down the hole where Jinyoung would be raised up on the stage if not for Youngjae’s powerful shout stopping him. Jackson looked up as if he had just realized where he was.

I saw how Jaebum walked up to him.

“Where the hell is your mind? You could have gotten seriously hurt right there. Focus, please!”

Jaebum must have been surprised and scared, I understood him. But given Jackson’s current condition he had no right to talk to him like that.

“Jaebum, back off. Cut him some slack or I swear to god I’ll take Jackson and go home,” I said as I placed myself in front of Jackson.

Jaebum looked confused at me before he answered. “I get that he’s upset right now but if he knew he was gonna be like this, he could’ve just asked to go home instead of causing us trouble. We already know how to perform this song without him.”

I was getting angry. This wasn’t Jaebum. He couldn’t be this insensitive knowing what Jackson was going through right now.

“Are you really saying that he should go home when he’s fighting really hard to do a good job right now? I didn’t know you were heartless, maybe Youngjae can explain your behavior.”

I knew bringing Youngjae in this was petty of me but he had triggered me.

“Do not mention Youngjae,” said Jaebum, his tone dangerously threatening.

Jackson had been standing behind me but he suddenly took a step forward so only his face popped up behind my shoulder.

With a tiny voice he said “Hyung, don’t fight with Mark. Just go to Youngjae, he’s really upset.”

I had spotted something was going on between Jaebum and Youngjae since this morning but it amazed me that Jackson had noticed it too.

“Jackson..” I began, searching for his hand. But he looked up and tried to send a smile as if to say he was okay when we both knew he wasn’t.

The rest of the day passed by without any complication. Jaebum and Youngjae still didn’t talk to each other, didn’t even look at each other. Youngjae had once locked himself in the bathroom. I had heard a silent cry and sniffing and then complete silence. He must have cried a lot and then sat there to make the redness go away from his eyes. It would’ve ruined the photoshoot. Though he had tried his best, one could still see he had cried. Jaebum’s eyes had followed Youngjae as he came back from the bathroom and I wanted to kick Jaebum’s ass for not doing anything about it.

Youngjae was the type to hold it all in. If he got hurt or had worries then he would hide everything and bottle it up. His and Jackson’s stubbornness could sometimes drive us all crazy. Having Jackson deny his pain was already enough but when Youngjae became like that, it was just frustrating. 

When we finally got home, I took Jackson’s phone away from him, forced him into a shower and stood in front of the door to the bathroom to make sure he didn’t collapse or anything while showering.

When he was done, I gave him a glass of lemonade, helped him change into pajamas and hopped in bed with him, pulling him so close, I could feel his heart beating above my hands which were tightened around his chest. Hugging him from behind was one of the best feelings.

“Sleep tight, GaGa. I love you so much.”

I really wanted to say more comforting words and talk about how much his grandfather had loved him and how I was sure he hadn’t wanted Jackson to mourn too long. But I felt like I just put salt in his wounds right now so I shut my mouth, planted a lot of kisses on his neck and caressed his stomach.

He didn’t say a word right up until he was getting drowsy. He then said “Thanks, Yi En. For today, being by my side. I really couldn’t do without you..”

I smiled. “Always, Jia Er, always.”

“And thanks for the sleeping pills you put in my lemonade.”

I responded by tightening my grip around him and digging my face in between his shoulder and neck.

A while later he was sleeping soundly and I prayed to god that he had a dreamless sleep. That was all he needed right now. That and protection.

 


	11. Your Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson is hurting and Jaebum hurt Youngjae?

It was the day of our fan meeting. In an hour a stream of fans would fill the room.

Jackson was still getting worse. Last night he had cried in his sleep and on the way here he’d spent the time the car staring blankly in the air, completely dazed and in his own thoughts. 

Sometimes Jinyoung would bump his elbow lightly onto Jackson to wake him up or Yugyeom would tell him a joke. Other times I would silently wrap my arms around him and hold him without saying a word. We were all comforting him in our own way.

I also noticed Youngjae’s unusual behavior. There was no smile on his lips, no laugh that surrounded us and no words coming from his mouth. He was a walking zombie just like Jackson. There was a tension between Jaebum and Youngjae.

We all knew that Jaebum had feelings for him, he had for a while now. But whether Youngjae had turned him down or something else had happened, we didn’t know.

I wanted to walk up to him and confront him with it but in the same moment I saw Jackson disappear behind the curtain next to the stage. I didn’t think twice about following him. 

It turned out Youngjae had disappeared somewhere and Jackson had gone after him.

I watched as Youngjae turned around when he saw Jackson, wiping the tears away from his eyes.

“What’s wrong, Jae?”

I hadn’t heard Jackson’s voice in forever and it felt relieving in some kind of way.

Youngjae laughed in a nervous tone. “Jackson hyung, what are you doing here?”

Jackson wrapped his arm around his shoulders and bowed down to meet Youngjae’s eyes.

“Ah nothing, I just got something in my eyes.”

“Don’t lie to me, Youngjae. Tell me, please. We are all worried about you. It’s been a while since I’ve heard your laugh.”

I could relate. I wanted to see Jackson’s smile again. 

“It’s uh …” Youngjae was clearly hesitating. But after clearing his throat he finally talked.

He talked about how Jaebum had confessed to him months ago. But Youngjae being Youngjae hadn’t known how to respond. Leaving his confession unanswered for so long had finally triggered Jaebum. Yesterday at breakfast Jaebum had asked for an answer.

“But I don’t know what to reply, I don’t even know my own feelings, how can I give him an answer?”

He was shaking and Jackson pulled him in.

Youngjae continued; “And what if my back gets worse? We have a performance tomorrow and I can’t pull out now because it will be troubl-“

I was about to interrupt but Jackson came first, asking the same question I wanted. “Wait, what? What back injury? Why haven’t we heard about this?”

Youngjae took a step back and lowered his head. “Yesterday I must have said something to anger Jaebum so he got mad and he pushed me in the wall.”

Jackson’s expression changed and Youngjae quickly added “But I swear to god, it wasn’t his fault. He did it unconsciously and anyway, I am to blame. I should have just given him an answer months ago yet I just kept-“

I was amazed and surprised and most of all full of anger. “What the hell?” was the only thing I could say before I turned around and walked with such a speed that I only got to hear Youngjae’s “wait” before his voice disappeared.

Approaching Jaebum I tried to loosen my fists but my head was filled with rage and I wasn’t able to think clearly at this moment.

Jaebum was laughing at something BamBam had said but when I hit his shoulder his attention turned to me.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I said and I just got more and more angry.

How could he stand there and joke around after he had put Youngjae in that condition?

“I should be saying that, what’s the matter with you?” Jaebum said, confused.

“Now you hit those younger than you? Is that to show you are the leader or have you always been an asshole?”

He was still not getting the point and if not for Jackson grabbing my arm, I would’ve done something violent that I might or might not have regretted later.

“Wait, this is a misunderstanding. Mark hyung, please,” said Youngjae, appearing from the other side. 

Jinyoung also joined. “What’s going on, guys?”

“It’s no misunderstanding, Youngjae. Why don’t you tell him? He might not even know what he’s done,” I continued, my eyes not wavering from Jaebum’s who didn’t know how to respond.

“It’s no big deal, I’m fine. Mark hyung, please stop this.” Youngjae was literally begging but I wasn’t about to let this go.

Yeah, sure, Jaebum was frustrated because he felt like Youngjae was leaving him hanging. But treating him like that was no excuse and didn’t justify his actions.

Jaebum must have remembered because his eyes widened as he turned to Youngjae, his hands reaching out to grab Youngjae but I came in between.

“Do not touch him or I swear to god..” I started but stopped when I felt Jinyoung’s hand on my shoulder.

“Yesterday when I … did I hurt you?”

I heard the fear and panic in Jaebum’s voice. Turning my head to Youngjae, I saw the guilty expression on his face as if he regretted mentioning the back injury to begin with.

He shook his head. “Not really, don’t worry.”

“Youngjae, the truth.” Jaebum’s voice was sharp but at the same time full of fear of what his answer might be.

I scoffed. “You don’t realize your own strength sometimes, do you, Jaebum?”

Youngjae was split between Jaebum and I, he was chewing on his lower lip and his eyes were flickering.

“It’s my own fault so please, Mark hyung.”

Jaebum took a step towards Youngjae, his eyes devastated.

“Oh my god, Youngjae. I am so sorry, I didn’t even know.”

I saw how Youngjae sent him a little assuring smile. “It’s okay, really. Can we just stop talking about this? Please.”

Jackson touched his arm. “But will you be okay performing tomorrow?”

Youngjae nodded so hard his bangs jumped up and down. “I’m sure I will. Lets just prepare for this fan meeting.”

He didn’t hesitate to leave.

I sent laser streams at Jaebum who was left with an open mouth as if he had wanted to say something.

“Do not hurt Youngjae again. He doesn’t even know his own feelings, you had no right to push yours on him,” I said before I left too.

From the corner of my eyes I saw how he turned to Jinyoung as he held his head.

Jackson almost had to run to catch up with me. I knew he wanted to comment on what had happened before but I came first.

“How’s your wrist?” I said and grabbed him gently by his hand, completely taking him by surprise.

He looked up at me, eyes glittering in the light of the few lamps above us.

The other shrug on his shoulders. “It’s okay.”

I put my arm around his shoulders. “Today promise me you won’t overdo it. Don’t force yourself to smile. Okay, Sseunie?”

Not even the nickname could bring a smile out of him. All he did was give a little nod and lean towards me.

I got a hold of his hand.

“I’ll see you off at the airport tomorrow, okay?”

He looked down on our hands and lifted our intertwined fingers up to plant a kiss on the back of my hand as he gave another cute nod. “But you don’t have to. You guys have a schedule early in the morning, right?”

I smiled. “Do you need me?” I asked, waiting for the obvious answer.

He didn’t hesitate. “Of course. You know I do.”

I sent him a soft smile and raised my other hand to touch his cheek, not saying anything further. We stood there, just looking into each others’ eyes. It seemed like forever since I had been able to hold the eye contact for this long with him.

“Sseunie..” I started.

The younger turned away.

“I’ll be fine, Yi En. I really will be. Don’t focus so much on me.”

I let my hand slide down to his neck as I held on to him and tried to get him to meet my eyes.

“I’ll always focus on you. Through the crowd my eyes will always find you. You are the most important thing in my life. I can’t not focus on you.”

His expression softened at my words and an almost-smile appeared on his lips.

Jaebum clapped his hands to get our attention and Jackson got startled at the sound. These days it seemed like he was so jumpy, even the sound of a fork slightly hitting the plate could surprise him.

Slipping a hand behind his back, I followed him back to the stage where Jaebum was waiting for us to get together before telling us the little change in plans of today’s fan meeting.

I saw how he sent Youngjae a look but the young vocalist was looking down on his nails.

 

 

Jaebum

Thirty minutes before the fan meeting’s start we took a short break from preparations. My eyes followed Youngjae as he left for the bathroom. Before I knew it, I was already on my way after him. He was gasping for air after doing the switch part of the choreography. Doing Yugyeom’s part must have been too hard on him. He wasn’t only short on breath. He also let out pained moans and I caught a glimpse of a sour expression too.

Feeling a lightening strike my heart, I suddenly remembered. I was the cause of his pain.

Having waited for months to get a single reply to my confession had frustrated me so much. But Mark was right. I had no right to hurt him like that.

“Youngjae..” I said in a low tone.

He jumped up at my voice.

“Hyung. Why, what are you doing here?” he said, tone casual and a little smile breaking out on his lips.

My heart only felt more painful. “Is your back okay?” I asked as I took a step closer.

He turned towards the mirror and fixed the dark hair.

“Mmh, don’t worry. It’s nothing.”

I sighed and didn’t really know what to do with myself. I felt awkward and awful.

“It’s not nothing, Youngjae. I hurt you. And I didn’t even know until now. Would you have kept it to yourself if not for Mark?”

He shrug his shoulders as if I had just asked if he wanted ice tea or soda.

“Why would I make a big deal out of it? It’s not that bad, don’t overreact.”

I grabbed his shoulders and forced him to face me. He looked back at me, eyes unwavering and lips tightly shut.

“Overreact? Jae, your back injury can become worse and if you end up at the hospital, you don’t get to say ‘It’s not that bad’. You’ve already had problems with your back, I don’t ever want to see that happen again.”

Tilting his head a bit, he gave me a curious look.

“Why, did you get worried at that time?”

A quick flashback came to me. The second I had gotten the phone call and then feelings of panic and fear as I ran out to the car. It would be an understatement to say that I had been worried.

But I just nodded at Youngjae’s question.

He continued.

“As a leader or as something else?”

His question hit me. Was he testing me or?

“I don’t know,” I ended up saying. “Now answer my question, is the pain too much?” I added and consciously removed my hands from him which he seemed to notice.

“I think I can manage.”

I let my hand graze his. “About my confession… Take all the time you need. I didn’t realize it before Mark said it today but it’s not right to push my feelings on you.”

He took my hand in his before he looked up at me to say “Nah, it wouldn’t be fair if I took forever to give a reply.”

His fingers drawing patterns in my palm sent electric shocks through my whole body and my heart started to beat in a funny way. He wasn’t even aware of the feelings he got out of me.

“Youngjae..” I started but he sent me a scolding look.

“Geez, such a nagger.”

He laughed and then he suddenly got quiet, head lowered as he spoke.

“I don’t know when I’ll figure out my feelings, though..”

I squeezed his hand. “I just told you, take your time.”

He sent me a bright smile and was about to walk past me but I stopped him.

“Also, stop torturing your body. We all know about your diet.”

He laughed as if I had just told a joke.

“I’m serious,” I said after him.

It suddenly struck me. I really didn’t deserve him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all liked the cute Markson in this chapter ~  
> Also, I couldn't not include 2Jae and since I love them, we'll kinda be following the process of their relationship ^^ So, look forward to more


	12. Trouble(some)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few words slip out of Mark's mouth and it hurts Jackson.

“GaGa,” I whispered in his ear.

Jackson was half sleeping but at the sound of my voice he immediately opened his eyes. I felt myself sink deeper in those beautiful eyes.

I gave him a gentle smile. “Hi baby,” I said and held my voice low and smooth as I waited for him to fully wake up.

It took him a couple of minutes. He had dark circles under his eyes and he already looked exhausted so early in the morning.

“Should I bring breakfast to the bed?”

He nodded cutely, yawned a bit and then rolled closer to me.

“But don’t go yet.”

His voice sounded raspy but his eyes were drowsy in a cute way, it was a mismatched satisfaction.

He pulled me down and I fell right back in between the two pillows.

“Yi En…”

I turned my head to face him. He was playing with the threads of my shirt.

“The others..” He was hesitating to continue so I inched closer to him and took his hand, quietly telling him that it was okay and he could take his time.

The younger pressed his lips together so the cheeks popped out and squeezed my hand that he held in his.

“Is everyone okay?”

I looked back at him, the teeth gnawing on the lower lip and the insecure worried eyes. 

Whenever he got sick or was away for more than a week, he would text or call me to ask me this. He would always ask this question.

In his mind he probably felt like he betrayed us by leaving for a while or not being a part of our common schedule. He felt incapable and useless and most of all, a let-down to the group. And this low self-confidence had been fed a lot by the hate he was getting all the time. He was so convinced by these things that sometimes I would wake up three in the morning and find out that he was at the recording studio, practicing his part of a song, all alone.

First time it had happened, we’d all been so shocked. We’d had to beg him to come back home. But now we just let him do it. We knew we couldn’t help him with his self-confidence.

We all felt like we lacked something. Every one of us was insecure. Jaebum with his leadership, Youngjae with his vocals, Yugyeom with his appearance, BamBam with his height and Jinyoung with his composing. But the level of Jackson’s insecurity was insanely high and he was constantly working to improve something that didn’t need to be improved.

I wormed my way even closer to him. As I felt his breath on my neck I let my forehead touch his.

“Jia Er, baby, I might not be able to manage without you in my daily life. But we are all okay. You just take your time to get better. Don’t rush, don’t worry, don’t overthink. We will always be here for you. Quietly watching over you. You don’t have to feel bad about anything. Okay?”

He didn’t raise his head to look at me, just kept fumbling with the threads.

I pecked his cheek and sat up.

“Let me go get you some breakfast.”

I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and stood up.

In the kitchen Jinyoung was standing in shorts, messy hair and with very visible stubbles.

“Boy, you need to shave,” I commented but Jinyoung just shrug his shoulders and looked down on his phone again, scrolling past a few emails. I went to the coffee machine only to realize that he had already started it and the coffee was dripping into the coffee container.

Then I walked to the fridge in search of sugar. And to make everything worse, I ended up pouring five tea spoons of sugar when I knew Jackson only wanted three.

I cursed.

Jinyoung stopped me.

“Mark, why don’t you take it easy and tell me what’s wrong?”

His voice was gentle and warm. And therapeutic.

I shook my head. “Nothing, I’m fine.”

Jinyoung leaned in, putting his phone away. “Is this related to Jackson, in any way?”

I sighed and gave up trying to push the matter away. Jinyoung was always so persistent when it came to things like this.

“You know how Jackson always asks if everyone’s okay after he’s had an episode?”

Jinyoung nodded.

I scratched the back of my head. “He said that again this morning. And I’m just tired of having to remind him that he shouldn’t worry too much. He never listens and it drives me crazy.”

“Yeah,” Jinyoung said and was about to continue but I cut him off, didn’t even bother listening because I was so caught up in my own frustrations;

“He never takes care of his health, he always lies about his pain and he’s overthinking 24/7. Sometimes I catch myself thinking what if I never dated him. Things would be so much easier, I wouldn’t have so much on my plate every d-“

Jinyoung bumped his elbow into my side, interrupting my word flow.

I looked up to see Jackson stand in the door way, his eyes surprised but most of all hurt.

That’s when I realized what I’d just said.

“Wait, Jackson, I didn’t mean it like that,” I started but he was already turning around and walking away.

“Shit.”

I almost ran after him.

He was in the middle of making the bed, his face expressionless and tone casual.

“I didn’t know you felt that way, Mark. Why didn’t you tell me?”

The younger took the pillow and patted it a few times to rustle up the feathers.

“Listen, don’t misunderstand, it’s not because I-“ I tried again but he threw the pillow on the bed and finally raised his head.

“Stop, just stop finding an excuse. Just be honest with me, am I really that problematic to be with?”

He looked at me with such an intensity that I felt the shivers run through my body.

“Jackson.. I just… I don’t know, okay.”

He suddenly collapsed on the bed, sighing as he covered his face in his hands.

“Waah… To think I was this lethal to you all along..”

I sat down beside him, trying to get a hold of his hand but he pulled it away.

“Don’t. Please don’t. I can’t right now.”

“Wang Jia Er..”

“It’s like I’m a drug to you. Bad for your health but you can’t quit.”

He stood up, I reached out and grabbed his hand.

I was feeling the pain in my heart when I saw his behavior. He was devasted.

“I wanna go alone to the airport, you don’t have to accompany me,” he said before he twisted his hand out of my grasp, leaving me helpless.

I watched him as he came out of the shower, put clothes on and left the dorm. He didn’t say a word, didn’t even look my way.

Jinyoung came to me later. I turned my head to meet his eyes. He must have concluded something out of my expression because he said “Is it that bad?”

I nodded, giving another sigh.

“I messed up so badly this time. He didn’t even wanna look at me. And he looked so hurt. Shit,” I cursed again.

I knew what time his flight was. And I also knew that he wouldn’t pick up no matter how many times I called him. I called him and left him so many texts that his notifications probably looked messy. He neither answered or read the texts.

I just hoped he wouldn’t fall sick again. Because then there would be no chance that he would tell me let alone the others.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda short chapter but I hope it's to your liking :))
> 
> Tell me how you liked it in the comments ^^
> 
> Also, I might do some more one-shots so stay tuned on "Reflected In Your Eyes" work :P


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